HOME OF THE URBAN CHAMELEON

#Redtails and the Big Guilt Trip Scam

2012-01-23T14:07:00.000-08:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

I am sosick and tired of going to see a Black film out of charity. Every time a Blackfilm is released the word “support” is not far behind, and George Lucas’slatest project featuring an all Black cast, Red Tails is no exception. Blackpeople everywhere were dumb founded that Mr. Star Wars himself could not getHollywood on board to make his $(93) ninety-three million dollar film; astory about the Tuskegee Airmen. Thus the campaign tagline for Red Tails wassolidified, “Support This Black Film!”

The mediaroll out plan was perfect; as the exposed plight of Lucas’ fired people up toget their “activism” on by posting articles, Facebook Status Updates and Tweetsreiterating the importance of “supporting” this Black film.The results lead to a successful $(20) twenty-million dollar opening weekend. Italmost felt like there was more patriotism displayed for Lucas than therewas for Troy Davis. Regardless, we did it! We showed Hollywood, and thereforecan expect more films about the Black experience coming soon to a theater nearyou. Right? Wrong!

Do youknow how many Black films have done “surprisingly” well over the last twentyyears at less than a fraction of the cost of Red Tails? Are we not stillhaving the same damn conversations about Hollywood not making Black films? Let alone ones that are diverse? (Seearticle: All We Do is Eat, Fight, F*ck, Dance and Pray.) Is Hollywood all of a suddengoing to start churning out $(100) one-hundred million dollar Black pictures?

I don’tthink so.

Spike Leecan’t even get 40 acres and a mule. Hate to burst the bubble, but Hollywood ispredominately ran by white men who don’t understand Black people; even thoughthey swear they do. In pitch meetings, Hollywood executives are quick to statewhy a Black film won’t do well (welcome to the pity party Lucas) and includestatistics about the ones that have failed. Even though these statistics aresmaller than a pubic hair compared to the number of white films that fail yearafter year. The reality is, “Black” cannot possibly represent a universalexperience and Hollywood won’t invest. Instead of continuing to knock on the same door that doesn't want to let you in, build a new house. With all the technology at our finger tips why not start investing in new distribution models and tell Hollywood to kiss your Black ass!

So whydid I end up seeing Red Tails if it wasn’t to send a message to Hollywood? Oneword, GUILT. All the Facebook updates had me feeling like I was asell out, Anti-Black, if I didn’t see it opening weekend and support animportant story about Black History. There was just one problem...RedTails has no story, at least not the one that their PR team is pimping. Iwalked away with no real understanding of who the Tuskegee Airmen were and whatmade them exceptional. It’s not enough to show scenes where a white man eithercalls or treats the Black man like a nigger to validate storytelling. In fact,there was more of an emphasis on the Tuskegee Airmen blowing up the enemy thanthere was on a fight for equality.

At the endof the day, I knew from the moment I first saw the trailer that this wasn’t afilm I wanted to see. Regardless if you agree or not, shouldn't Ihave that freedom of choice?

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"Sh*t White Girls Say to Black Girls" Rocks the Boat!

2012-01-12T17:01:00.000-08:00

by Funnel Cake Flowers the Urban Chameleon news reporter

Sh*t White Girls Say to Black Girls is one of the latest videos to take the Internet by storm, having been viewed by over 4 million in less than a week. The creator, Franchesca Ramsey, a young, dark skin, Black woman with locs throws on a blond wig and goes IN, reenacting remarks made by “white girls”. At first I was bewildered by the sensation of this video.

This isn’t news. Is it? My friends of color and I were used to these same ignorant or shall I say ign’t comments made about our race (including African America, Asian, Latino, Indian, etc)…from another race. But then I realized that our kitchen table conversations are rarely up for discussion on a platform with global reach, so this was news for many. Despite the familiarity of the subject, most of my Black girl friends find the video hysterical... truth that resonates tends to do that. Meanwhile, a lot of non-Black girls aren’t laughing. (Not all, as some have openly admitted that they act like the girl in the video) but one person even went off on a rant after being insulted by the line about Jews. (Now ya know you cannot talk about Jews!)

Oftentimes things go viral but the message gets missed. If you’ve read Franchesca Ramsey’s interview in the Huffington Post it reveals that the video is based on TRUTH! Come on people (who were insulted), ya kinda can't deny someone's truth no matter how insulted you are and quite frankly this is a truth that needs addressing. Unfortunately, if you’re not familiar with how many of us “Black girls” REALLY CAN RELATE to Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls in our own interracial relationships you think the actor, Franchesca Ramsey is the one that started this fight.

If anything, Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls is a testament to the lack of perspective with in the media regarding people of color. Both parties maybe to blame for this. White friends of mine have told me that white people don’t like talking about race and especially NOT slavery. And lawd knows Black people are conscious of what white people think so don't always say what they really want to say. But if we don’t start talking about it we’re only continuing this cycle of everyone either being misunderstood or insulted. So what now?

Regardless of your race, if someone says some ignorant sh*t, CALL THEM OUT (without getting physical or stank...cause that's just ign't.) As Urban Chameleons we sometimes tend to fear the consequences and chameleon into silence. But part of being an Urban Chameleon is helping someone else to become one…by exposing them to your truth so that the next time they encounter someone like you they won't say some ignorant shit and real conversation can begin.

Have a story you want to me to report? E-mail me at funnelcakeflowers@tickles.tv

Creator of Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls on Anderson Cooper

Herman Cain: “The Martin Luther King Values” candidate for president?

2011-11-23T09:21:00.000-08:00

Funnel Cake Flowers, The Urban Chameleon news reporter comments on the latest attempts to compare Herman Cain with Martin Luther King. Are they more similar than we realize?
contributing Urban Chameleon writer: Lauren Brown

Not since Edward Brooke have Black Republicans done well as political office holders. The hit-it and quit-it ouster of Michael Steele reveals that the Black man has an even shorter life expectancy in the GOP than the time in between the use of the “N” word in a Quentin Tarantino film. Statistics like these beg the question of how well Republican’s newest Negro, Herman Cain, will continue to perform on the national stage. Many have said that Cain could be our nations first REAL Black president suggesting that he certainly seems to share more attributes with our beloved civil rights leader, Dr. Martin Luther King, with of course the exception of not participating in the civil rights.

Like Dr. King, Herman Cain attended Morehouse College. Both King and Cain have started influential movements. For Dr. King, Civil Rights, for Herman Cain, the Intelligent Thinkers movement. But the most damning and glaring commonality these two share? Both Republicans??? According to the National Black Republicans Association hey are claiming King as one of their own.

One might now wonder if Dr. King would have supported Cain’s controversial 9-9-9 plan? To date, Dr. King is the only citizen to be prosecuted under the Georgia income tax perjury statute. Which means 9-9-9, would have saved him a world of legal bills. But here is where it gets interesting; Dr. King was also born in 1929, it was 9 years, between the time he was asked to lead the Montgomery Bus Boycott and when he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Moreover, Herman Cain and Martin King each have 10 letters in their first and last names and what is 10-1? 9!

999!!!

But is being Morehouse graduates and using complicated math involving the number 9 enough to say that these two Black men are similar? Or has the Republican Party put a DJ Funk Master Flex remix on this beat?

Yes both men stress the importance of dreaming but to Cain I say, dream on brotha. I know one thing is for sure, it’s complicated. I’m Funnel Cake Flowers, your Urban Chameleon news reporter from Tickles.TV

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The Fem-Urban Chameleon: Celebrating Anita Hill

2011-10-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

It’s one thing to transition into corporate America—from its private grade school classrooms, ivy league universities, corporate boardrooms and social climbing ladders—back out into our bilingual/patois/urban slang speaking, hip winding, kinky hair handling and curry spice eating America. (See How the Urban Chameleon Came to be…) But it’s another layer to be a woman juggling another set of balls (pun intended) in a male dominated world. Dr. Beverly Guy-Sheftall, an iconic voice and activist in the feminist movement so eloquently talked with our Urban Chameleon news reporter, Funnel Cake Flowers, about why men think the “Penis is powerful.” Twenty years ago Anita Hill challenged that “penis power” by filing sexual harassment charges on Supreme Court nominee, Clarence Thomas. Although the court ruled in favor of Thomas, the case opened the floodgates for women from different backgrounds to unveil their own experiences with navigating sexual harassment – exposing an international crisis and modern day awareness.

A Thank-You Note to Anita Hill

Letty Cottin Pogrebin • October 5, 2011

Anita Hill, I want to personally thank you for what you did for us twenty years ago. Thank you for speaking up and speaking out. Thank you for your quiet dignity, your eloquence and elegance, your grace under pressure. Thank you for illuminating the complexities of female powerlessness and for explaining why you didn’t complain when the offense first occurred, and for describing how cowed and coerced a woman can feel when she’s hit upon by a man who controls her economic destiny.

Twenty years ago you had the courage to tell the truth and do what women rarely did: make a scene. Fifty years ago I didn’t. In the 1960s, when I was a book publishing executive, single and self-supporting, I once was trapped in an elevator with an important and powerful male journalist whose good offices I depended on to give favorable coverage to my company’s books. With absolutely no warning, the man suddenly pinned me against the elevator wall, groped my breasts and shoved a hand under my skirt. Did I press the emergency button?

Of course not; it would have caused a scene. A scene would have imperiled my career. A scene would have marked me as a prude, a troublemaker and that grimmest of all characters, A Girl With No Sense of Humor. A scene would have infuriated and embarrassed the man. A scene might have made the papers, exposing his crude and thuggish behavior to his wife. In the end, the person who would pay a price for his humiliation would be me. He would bad-mouth me in the industry. He would give my company bad press, which in turn would reflect negatively on my work and put my job at risk.

That’s why, instead of screaming, I giggled while I fought him off. I spewed wisecracks as I twisted out of his grasp. I tried to keep smiling while frantically stabbing the L button. Finally, the elevator doors opened, and I made a run for the street. It wasn’t the first or the last time that I escaped an unwanted sexual advance and ended up feeling sullied, scared, cowardly and somehow at fault. Far worse happened to friends of mine and to hundreds of thousands of other working women.

But thanks to you, Anita, we and our daughters and our granddaughters now feel empowered to press the emergency button and report offensive behavior. Thanks to your brave, frank testimony and your stately comportment in the face of hostile interrogation and vilification, we no longer laugh off unwanted sexual advances; we file charges. We no longer protect our attackers from humiliation; we name names. We demand that our employers be accountable to their policies against harassment and that the offender be punished. We may still be risking our jobs, but more and more of us are telling the truth.

It all started with you, Anita. And today we remember and honor what you did. We thank you for making a scene—for doing it fearlessly before the eyes of a riveted nation and inspiring millions of women to defend their dignity as you did yours.

Letty Cottin Pogrebin, a founding editor of Ms. magazine and a past president of the Authors Guild and Americans for Peace Now, is the author of nine books, including Deborah, Golda, and Me: Being Female and Jewish in America (Anchor), and Three Daughters, her first novel (Penguin).

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This article appeared in the October 24, 2011 edition of The Nation.

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Troy Davis: Why should I march in 2011 for social injustice? ?

2011-09-19T23:55:00.001-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

A friend asked me to come out and join a community gathering for Troy Davis at the Martin Luther King Jr., National Historic Site on Auburn Ave in Atlanta. His message read, "Can we count on you to join us in support of brotha Troy Davis and say a few words?" Not being all that familiar with the case, I did my due diligence and looked up the history of this "brotha" from another mother. I couldn't believe how out of the loop I had been. I had more unwanted knowledge about Beyonce's pregnancy and Kim Kardashian's wedding, than this life or death issue. Why had Troy Davis' story not made it to any of my news outlets or social circles until now? It didn't feel right summarizing my crash research into a forceful manipulation of the "right words" for the following day's march... my heart wasn't there. But why did I feel so guilty about deciding not to attend? For the next couple of days I analyzed how I could be so heartless, especially when someone's life was on the line.

A few days later, during a conversation about modern day activism, another friend revealed she too had declined the same invitation. The more we talked, the more we were able to flesh out the reasoning behind our discomfort. Our choice was not about not wanting to help, but rather how we were asked to help. To us marching today seemed antiquated, inauthentic of who we are and how we view the world in our 30sumptin' years of age. Even though we are the offspring of a generation of marchers, media and technology had mentally forged us into a new ideology that seemed to disconnect us from our parents, so much so that we couldn't possibly fathom holding up a home made sign with the same slogans from the
civil rights movement. The wording on the invitation I received was even bothersome. Theoretically, I understood the significance of using familiar "Black community" buzzwords like "Brotha" and the choice of location, the famous Auburn Avenue, in attempt to remind us of our struggle and retain the importance of community. However, the sentiment instead felt manipulative and presumptuous; because I'm a conscious sista, I'm expected to arrive with my Afro pick, Black power fist, and theme music of NWA's, "F*ck the police" to stand in support. I was never even asked my position on the issue. What if I
had showed up and spoke in support of the police officer?

This was not the first time that I had witnessed community leaders organize without doing their due diligence. More infatuated with the nostalgia of the civil rights movement, than they are in challenging themselves and the community with innovative thinking relative to the world we live in today in order to create real change. Even the tactics used during the civil rights movement were innovative for the time period, Rosa Parks not giving up her seat was also planned and connected to a strategy. These key elements made a world of difference. The consensus of our group conversation was that being asked to join a demonstration with no plan or the same plan from forty years ago has the same annoyance of
receiving multiple random requests to 'like' someone's fan page on Facebook.

I recently met a white woman who runs a social media company with a unique activist approach; instead of helping to build houses in Haiti she decided to travel a small group of bloggers to the distraught destination. She told me about how a person was appalled by the trip because they didn't consider it to be real "change" work. Her position was to do what she does best to broadcast the unknown stories from Haiti to draw further support. The point is marching is not the only form of activism.

Even though I didn't march on the street for Troy Davis, at the end of the day I was thankful for the invite to participate as it ultimately broadened my awareness of a crucial matter; a man scheduled for execution after being accused of shooting a cop with out any apparent evidence. I chose to instead display my activism through my own voice, which is to find ways that inspire people like myself, who also don't speak "march for my rights", to think of other ways to activate their activism. I realized that it's not marching that I have a problem with, but rather the loss of creativity that inspires why we should march.

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Witnessing President Barack Obama dedicating the final Capitol Mall monument ever to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

2011-08-21T13:05:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

In exactly one week, I'll be witness to President Barack Obama dedicating the final Capitol Mall monument ever to Dr. Martin Luther King. Am readying myself, my family, for next week's road trip retracing of the "March on Washington" journey to DC. What a moment in history.

Next step in preparing for our journey will be educating my daughter about the bravery, humanity and transformational outcomes of the efforts of Dr. King (and the warrior spirit of the team around him and before him) will be the viewing of "Citizen King." This excellent History Channel documentary can be purchased on line. Though she enters her second year of study at Columbia, I am pretty sure she has had little more than a "I have a dream" recitation leading up to MLK holiday. Shame on me.

An unplanned step in our Monument trip preparation was viewing "The Help" last week. Even in this Disney-sanitized story, the film reminded me of just how recent and prevalent post-slavery residues of African American powerlessness, disposability and airtight economic / educational prospects were in America. These systemic caste constructs weren't limited to deep South Mississippi, nor were they carried out by a few bad people as a film would suggest. These airtight practices of race-based discrimination in education, housing, voting rights, public accommodations, legal redress, economic exclusion, etc. were, in fact, the way of the nation / the law of the land (had it not been, the decades long resistance would not have been necessary). To borrow a metaphor from "The Help," African American existence was a daily shit pie. Having been born in 1958, it is amazing to ponder of all of the hard fought change that has been brought forth in my lifetime.

I will be internalizing Dr. King's role in galvanizing our nation and government to see and be its better self ...despite its history. I've been pondering the greatest post-ceremony homage I can pay to the many who, over the decades and in their own ways, cleared a path for a better America and extending the laws of the land to "all God's children." This is what I have come up with:

-I will remember that that it is always the right time to do the right thing
-I will vote (continue to)
-I will look at my world, "have a dream" ...and take steps towards bringing it to pass
-I will remain informed about the human inequities in my time, my community, my world ...and engage with my voice to remedy them
-I will help in my own way those who might be bettered by my efforts
-I will believe that change is possible and that my world can be a better place
-I will celebrate the promise / possibility of young people and the content of their character

What will YOU do, my friend?

To those who, since we arrived in this land, stood, who fought, who merely endured somehow, you many unheralded and mostly nameless souls are as also remembered and celebrated.

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Funnel Cake Flowers chats with Dr. Beverly Guy-Sheftall about the obsession of men taking pictures of their penis

2011-07-31T08:29:00.000-07:00

What is the obsession of men taking pictures of their penis and posting on the internet?

Find out when Funnel Cake Flowers sits down with Dr. Beverly Guy-Sheftall, Founder of the Women's Research and Resource Center at Spelman College, current president of the National Women's Association, author and co-author of several published books including Gender Talks, Traps and Who Should be First.

E-mail Funnel Cake Flowers The Urban Chameleon new reporter a news story at tickles@tickles.tv

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I try very hard to act brown but sometimes they make me act BLACK!

2011-07-10T09:18:00.000-07:00

by today’s Urban Chameleon contributor

My mother always said, “You are different, you don't play by the same rules.” These are words I live by, especially since I work in corporate America.

Last week I had my semi-annual review. Things were going really well until my boss went over his hand written notes about my "Opportunities for Improvement." His list included arriving to meetings early and not just on time, and to stop bringing reading materials to meetings (regardless if it’s related to my profession and even if everyone else brings other work to the same meetings). His issues were so reflective of corporate America, never mind that I’m excellent at my job, a top seller who always comes to meetings prepared, it always comes down to what makes everyone else “comfortable.”

Just as I was preparing to leave his office, assuming the meeting was over, my boss says, “Just one more thing.” Apparently, someone told him my behavior was “unpolished and unprofessional” in a question and answer session that we recently had with the CEO, CFO and Chairman of the board. In that moment it took every fiber of my being not to show him what unpolished and unprofessional looked like.

Frankly, I was shocked. The Chairman of the Board actually approached me after the session, asked how long I had been with the company and said it was nice to meet me. I later sent an email to the CEO, CFO, and Chairman of the Board thanking them for the Q&A session and invited them to lunch to show my appreciation. The CEO followed up, and we have a lunch scheduled for next month. My co-workers thought I was crazy, but I saw it as an expression of appreciation…and like I said, I'm damn good at my job.

My boss said he wasn’t concerned about the “unpolished and unprofessional” behavior, but it did have to be addressed. After the conclusion of my review, I approached our Director of Diversity, my corporate barometer, which helps me balance being a professional Black woman and navigating the tumultuous waterways of "white corporate America". She was in the in the room during the Q&A session. I recounted the details of my review, including the "unpolished and unprofessional" behavior, and she asked what I thought? For a second it crossed my mind that maybe I am unpolished and unprofessional if she had to ask. She told me it’s not the content of what I say but that my delivery sometimes comes across as overly familiar when addressing executives. I tend to address them in the same manner as my other colleagues. This is what I was being reprimanded for? With a smile on my face, I told her this is something I am very proud of. I treat executives the same way I treat housekeeping. I believe that everyone should be treated equal.

It is true that I didn't speak in the same subservient tone as my Caucasian counterparts. It is true that I didn't look up at the corporate ladder with wide eyes like a puppy dog waiting to be patted on the head and given a begging strip from the treat bowl. I'm sorry that your millions do not impress me. I'm sorry that I will never allow myself to treat you in a manner that would suggest that you are better than me. I will look at any CEO, CFO and Chairman of the board straight in the eye and talk to them as an equal. While my mother used to stress that I am different and have to play the game by different rules, including work twice as hard, it was always tempered with respecting myself, being myself, and realizing that everyone is equal in the eyes of GOD.

I try my hardest to act brown but today they almost made me act black. Ultimately, I accepted the company’s offer to pay for me to have “professional” coaching. I embrace conscientious improvement but in no uncertain terms will I allow my personality, my essence, and my “Je ne sais quoi” to be coached away.

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Chicken Toss & Cigars

2011-07-06T15:52:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

About a couple of years ago I made the transition from secret meetings with the weed man and smoking blunts in conspicuous places with my homeboys to discovering a love for fine cigars. Each day I look forward to sitting on my patio and sampling a different brand. Some folks smoke cigars as a social activity but I enjoy being alone and unwinding with peace and quiet.

Yesterday, I was doing just that when a brotha dressed in swim trunks and flip flops, presumably on his way to the communal pool, yells up to me (third floor of a complex in a gated community) and says, “Hey brotha, you want a piece of chicken?” I looked down to confirm that he was in fact talking to me and see that he’s holding a large tin of chicken wings. I declined the offer but the brotha was persistent; he offered to toss a piece of chicken up to my patio. When I declined the second time he asked if I preferred a piece of corn. Once again I told the brotha I was cool. What do I look like hanging over my balcony trying to catch a piece of chicken or corn. What happens if I don’t catch it? Why am I even thinking through the scenario? My moment of cigar Zen was ruined. How is it that the ‘hood found me?!

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Funnel Cake Flowers comments on Tracey Morgan vs. The Gays

2011-07-01T14:01:00.000-07:00

Another Black man bites the gay dust. Tracey Morgan provoked more minority on minorty crime when his stand up routine undermined gay rights. Apparently he joked that if his son ever came home gay that he would stab that little ninja to death. What I find interesting is that no one seems to care that he threatened to murder his son who he referred to as the n word. Where in the world are child services, the NAACP and that boy's mother. Are we so blinded by which ever minority groups' issue is trending that we ignore other issues. Yes I'm being a little sarcastic. Black on gay crime is ridiculousness. How can one minority group not understand another’s plight for human rights? But is that the only issue here? One might argue another issue is -what the hell are gays doing at Tracey Morgan stand up routine? Don’t let the 30 rock actor that now appeals to greaterAmerican fool you. I remember you hustle man. Like any person of color who climbs the social ladder, inevitably you have to become an Urban Chameleon. Mr. Morgan your audience is now bigger than def comedy jam, a culture that unfortunately is comfortable with loosely usingthe “f” word to describe “soft” men. But might this be an opportunity where youcan break a chain in Black comic culture. I know thing is for sure it’s complicated. I’m Funnel Cake Flowers your Urban Chameleon news reporter from Tickles.TV

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Black Women Film Festival in Atlanta

2011-06-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

Black Women Film Network is "Celebrating 15 Years" with the Black Women Film Festival opening this Friday, June 17 through Sunday- June 19, 2011 in Atlanta.

Reception: 6 p.m.; Woodruff Arts Center, Rich Auditorium

Films include 2011 Sundance selectee "Crime After Crime”; ABFF 2011 selectee, the newest documentary from Andrew Young and “Inside the Digital Moving Salon,” a program at Spelman College allowing for a new generation of Black women to participate in important discussions critical to their lives through digital storytelling.

Register now at: www.blackwomenfilm.org

Funnel Cake Flowers comments on Nene Leaks' deplorable behavior on The Celebrity Apprentice

2011-05-18T12:32:00.000-07:00

FCF: Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice has proven to be delicious reality TV as ratings have soured through the roof. However, there was a bone in my meal that nearly ruined it. The Celebrity Apprentice episode with Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Nene Leaks taking it to the street on Ms. Star Jones was a most disgraceful moment, not only as a Black woman but also as the Urban Chameleon news reporter. Nene is clearly not an Urban Chameleon, for no person of color who is an Urban Chameleon would behave this way in front of millions of white people watching. Nene was however trying to get Ms. Star Jones to Chameleon. Many people outside the race have often confused anger, attitude, neck rolling and adding extra syllables in curse words with being Black. Star Jones attempted to point out the difference that there are still some of us who can speak in complete sentences even when we are very angry.

The plight of people of color to be viewed as equals is not over. As we can see, not only do immigrants have to carry around papers but so do Black Americans. If anybody needs to be taking it to the street and almost pulling out somebody's hairpiece, it’s President Obama. I know one thing’s for sure, it’s f*cked up. I’m Funnel Cake Flowers your Urban Chameleon news reporter from Tickles.TV

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When keeping it real goes so wrong, but right for Donald Trump

2011-05-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

Years ago in college, I was cast in a school play. I had one line, “You muthafucka!” It was the quintessential, Black girl neck rolling and Sam Jackson-esq, urban tone in which I delivered the line each night that made the audience guffaw on cue. Even though I am a Black girl, I don't think the audience realized that I was playing a character.

It wasn’t until the following year, when I took a sociolinguistics class that I began to understand that my director at the time, who was white, had orchestrated my role in his play the way that Hollywood has always utilized ethnic characters, as comic relief. My, sociolinguistics teacher who was also white, had pointed this out to the class using countless examples, which I’ve continued to note to this day; including the Caribbean crab in THE LITTLE MERMAID, the cat and donkey in SHREK and so on.

Reality TV’s formula is an orchestrated trap for the poor and uneducated. Regardless of race, there is an appointed “crazy person.” However, when that crazy person is Black, let alone a Black woman, the community takes extra notice and cringes.

This past Sunday, I sat in awe as I watched Nene Leaks from The Real Housewives of Atlanta be allowed to berate Star Jones on The Celebrity Apprentice. Nene Leaks’ display of poor behavior was both sad and painful for a number of reasons. Ignoring race for a minute, we were watching a human being incapable of rationally communicating with another human being. Telling another grown woman (or anyone for that matter) to “Shut the f*ck up” is just hateful and hurtful. From a cultural standpoint, these were more than too familiar fighting words. However, Star Jones held it together and utilized her side commentary to the camera in an attempt to distinguish for America the difference between how an “educated Black woman handles stress” from one that aint.

An “educated” person doesn’t have to be someone who’s achieved a certain level of traditional schooling, or any schooling for that matter, but rather someone who realizes that the world is bigger than their block. In Nene’s case, you can take a girl off the block but you clearly cannot take the block out of the girl.

As Nene was telling Star Jones off, I couldn’t help but notice the Gucci scarf that was draped around her neck. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the cost of her entire outfit was north of $2,000. It’s interesting that Nene’s “keep it real/block” attitude had bought her access into a world she clearly was not prepared to handle. Class is often mistaken for designer labels and rubbing elbows with the elite and it’s what most people strive for. However, as along as media continues to exploit that “crazy person” that looks like you (a minority), even if you are educated, you’ll always be viewed as a second class citizen…who better be carrying their birth papers. Right Mr. Trump?

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Funnel Cake Flowers comments on Malcolm X being gay?

2011-04-26T15:22:00.000-07:00

FCF: Marable Manning’s new book on Brother Malcolm X, “A Life of Reinvention,” has caused quite some controversy. Not only does the book challenge Alex Haley’s early interpretation of the prophet’s life but some of the alleged facts have now openly put Malcolm X’s sexual life into question. The question that we might question…is why the hell are we questioning? Isn’t one’s freaky-deakyness their own personal bidness?

Contrasting arguments have been made that the original autobiography has particularly shaped the identity of Black masculinity, which of course as we know can only be heterosexual. There for what will Black men do now? They better think quick because the Gay’s honey have ammo. Sexuality is as complicated as personalities and something we might consider is not letting someone else's determine our own. Orgasms are like civil rights everyone should be entitled to one. I know one thing is for sure, it’s complicated. I’m Funnel Cake Flowers your Urban Chameleon news reporter from Tickles.TV

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Funnel Cake Flowers reports on the latest ignorance to a beat: The Soggy Bottom Boys drop "LET EM DRAG"

2011-04-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

by Funnel Cake Flowers The Urban Chameleon news reporter

When I got the call from Self D'Struck Records, a company dedicated to creating ignorant rap music that "kills the game," inviting me to the set of The Soggy bottom Boys' latest music video "LET 'EM DRAG," I wasn't sure if I should be honored or horrified. The Soggy bottom Boys, an infamous rap group with literacy issues, don't believe in putting a pair of pants completely on. Therefore...let them drag. It occurred to me that other reporters may have already declined, so with trepidation, I decided to strap on my bulletproof vest and AK47 (under my cape) and roll to set to get the story. After all, I am The Urban Chameleon news reporter.

To read more on The Soggy Bottom Boys, visit The 15 Project Online, hosted by Fahamu Pecou.

"For those who wonder why rap is dead... it's simple, we killin' it"

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Malcolm X: The Human vs. The Hero

2011-04-14T06:13:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon

Last night, between frozen yogurt and a 10:00PM movie showing, me, my husband, mom and stepfather got into a heated discussion about the new book on Malcolm X from renown historian Manning Marable, “A Life of Reinvention.” Allegedly, the book reveals facts of Malcolm X’s life that were kept quiet from the public, including emotional and physical problems between him and Betty Shabazz, and challenges Alex Haley’s earlier interpretation; Marable even claims that X had a white male lover. My husband, born within a few days of Malcolm X, always felt some kind of zodiac connection and was disheartened by the news. This was not the same hero he, or most of us, were familiar with.

My mother tried to give some perspective. Coming from the Civil Rights generation with a circle of friends, which include educators and philosophers, the news was no news to her. She argued most heroes have a regime in place to protect an image (which hides human flaws from the greater public). However, I got the sense that like many others, my husband preferred not to know. The regime made it safe and comfortable, but I couldn’t help but wonder where we would be as a culture if we knew sooner. Would married couples with similar issues find comfort? Would the Gay Rights movement be further along? My mom had to remind my husband that the facts of someone’s life that might make us uncomfortable, doesn’t take away from their contributions. People are complex; rarely do we see examples that reflect our complexities. Many people live quietly, tormented in their duality, or even tri-ality, with no outlet. Maybe Malcolm X was just an Urban Chameleon…most of us are, regardless of who and what we are; different sides of us are revealed when exposed to different audiences. My corporate friends certainly see a different side of me than my around-the-way friends.

I thought back to the skit, “The Real Housewives of the Civil Rights?” and how upset some people were that our heroes were contextualized in a satirical manner by a group of comedians. Now, just a few weeks later, a credible historian causes a similar affect with alleged facts. Would we be less emotional if we allowed ourselves to be more human?

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Funnel Cake Flowers comments on Grant Hill vs. Jalen Rose. Who is more Black?

2011-04-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

FCF: The controversial topic of Real Black folks vs. Uncle Toms, “sell outs” is as old as the piece of fried chicken to ever accompany the first piece of slice bread. NBA player Grant Hill, wrote an article for the New York Times responding to retired NBA player, Jalen Rose who as a freshmen at Michigan State, made a comment insinuating that Black men that attend Duke University aren’t really Black. Thoughts about my own childhood resurfaced as growing up people, both Black and white often mistook my light skin’dness and ability to command the Queens English as being less Black. More often than not, the depiction of Black life is associated with poverty and the inability to annunciate words. I was raised with two loving parents and ironically I did grew up in da hood and can flip real quick and bust yo’ ass. I say this to say, don’t let the pronunciation of someone’s I-N-G’s fool you. Whether Black, white, Asian, Latino, cultural authenticity is reflected in many different ways. Under this cape I can pull out an Ak47 just as quickly as I can pull out a master’s degree. In the words of T.I. “If you see me in the club shawty you don’t know me.” I do know that one thing is for sure…it’s complicated. I’m Funnel Cake Flowers your Urban Chameleon news reporter from Tickles.TV

E-mail Funnel Cake Flowers The Urban Chameleon new reporter a news story at tickles@tickles.tv
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Funnel Cake Flowers comments on NFL player Adrian Peterson the slave?

2011-04-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

FCF: When a metaphor goes wrong it can be very damaging to the metaphorerer… Minnesota Vikings' running back, Adrian Peterson, felt media ramifications when he compared the plight of a NFL player to a modern day slave. This comment may have caused Kunta Kinte to do the Doug E. in his grave. Adrian Peterson seems feel that football players are being exploited by masa who is asking them to work harder with out compensation let alone healthcare. This to me sounds like the average Mexican…or African…or even American. One could argue that we should cut Adrian some slack that maybe Kunta Kinte lost his foot so that Adrian can charge masa millions for his thighs. To sum this story up it’s millionaires fighting with billionaires and as my mama you to say, this sound like rich folk problem to me. I know one thing is for sure it’s complicated. I’m Funnel Cake Flowers your Urban Chameleon news reporter from Tickles.TV

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Is race specific love keeping some of us from finding true love?

2011-04-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

I had to ask my mom where the concept of “Black love” came from. From what she could recall, “Black love” was born around the same time as “Black power”. At the time, significant power was in place to keep the Black community disenfranchised and so the idea was to unify in order to overcome oppression and gain basic human rights. Although times have changed, “Black love” still seems to be like a hot pair of shoes on a Neiman Marcus sale rack and I wondered if it’s still as imperative as it once was.

On several occasions, I've had friends pass up what looked like good love in hopes of finding “Black love.” For them Michelle and Barack Obama's relationship is a beacon of light that they spend their days tanning under. Some friends have been waiting years to meet the right one and have teased me for going out on dates with guys who weren’t Black. Although I haven’t met the right one yet, I’ve opened my mind and heart to the possibility of love and as a result have tasted food I probably never would have tried, traveled to places I might have never known, and learned things about cultures outside of my own making me even more of an Urban Chameleon. Meanwhile, those same friends seem to be missing out on life waiting for Obama’s twin brother to show up. It’s bad enough that most of us as young girls are disillusioned by the idea of Prince Charming sweeping us off our feet only to grow up to arguments over money, sex, and a bunch of other stuff that wasn’t a part of the fantasy. If the best Prince Charming real life can deliver us shows up...should we send him or her away just because they’re not of a certain race?

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Funnel Cake Flowers comments on our obsession with "BLACK LOVE"

2011-03-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

"Is my search for Black love or any other kind of love keeping me from find love?"

FCF: Is the Black woman too intense for the Black man? The viral video Black Marriage Negotiations reiterated media’s obsession over Black Women’s relationship status. The conversation across the board seems to be around Black women desperately searching for Black love but complaining how there are no good Black men. I know I reconsidered dating outside the race especially after watching Tyler Perry’s film For Colored Girls. Frightened by that kind of Black love, I immediately ran to sign up for the online Jewish matching making site Jdate. I met this man who was clearly not afraid of a good time and although the relationship ended after him not wanting to bring me home to his mama, I realized that dating outside the race also has its issues. However, the key take away here is not only did me and Habad have a damn good time at the West Indian Labor Day Parade but that I took the first step towards love and not race. Should the question that we be asking ourselves, is my search for Black love or any specific love keeping me from love ...or from getting laid. I know one thing’s for sure…it’s complicated. I’m Funnel Cake Flowers your Urban Chameleon news reporter from Tickles.TV

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Why “Black people” and “satire” don’t go together

2011-03-28T06:16:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

A couple of weeks ago I had the revelation that Black people don’t do satire. I kind of instinctively knew this for whenever I’ve either read an article or watched a Black web series even remotely satirical, there would be at least one overly serious comment from a Black person not laughing.

The case was no different when I first watched, “The Real Housewives of the Civil Rights?” on TheRoot.com. I thought the video was conceptually hilarious but wasn’t surprised to see in the comments section that more than one viewer was less than amused and in fact out right offended. The consensus was that you don’t touch the women of the Civil Rights especially Coretta Scott King and Rosa Parks.

It got me thinking…why not? Does it some how take away their power? Will it make their extraordinary contribution less significant or worse…reversible? After watching the video I thought if anyone is setting the race back it’s Bravo and their ridiculous Real Housewives franchise (that I love to hate) but not this web video.

The irony of satire is that more often than not the real issue gets overlooked. I realized that “Satire,” is the crazy cousin of “comedy” and for Black folks that crazy cousin is usually…well…embarrassing. Satire exposes flaws and opens the door for criticism by white people. Yes the race that enslaved us, told us we weren’t good enough and would never be good enough. As a result, Black culture has been built on having to constantly prove self worth regardless of how far we’ve come. But is this a habit that it’s time to break away from like poor diets that cause high blood sugar?

Satire is a form of human expression that if one is open to can be very insightful and unconventional medical practitioners would even confirm as healing.

Unfortunately I don’t see enough outlets for laughter in the Black community and this is painful. In fact, I recently attended a film festival and noticed that nine of the ten films produced by Black filmmakers were dramatic and either about Jesus, rape or substance abuse. How can a community possibly evolve unless you address all the layers of our human experiences which definitely includes laughter?

I once read a person’s comment responding to what they took as an author’s inappropriate satirical tone on a “serious” issue suggesting that comedy and drama be kept separate. What they overlooked is that both ideas live in the same core of our existence. The question is how can we begin to learn from both.

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Meet Funnel Cake Flowers, THE URBAN CHAMELEON NEWS REPORTER

2011-03-14T18:28:00.000-07:00

Profession: The Urban Chameleon news reporter

Age: Old enough to be legal, but young enough to drop it like it is hot.

Race: Blickity, Blickity, Black (don’t let the light skin fool you).

Marital Status: Pending with progress (has recently decided to explore dating men outside of her race and learning Japanese as a result of a new lover).

Hobbies: Getting people to stop taking themselves so seriously... while being very serious.

Episode 1: Funnel Cake Flowers reports on the viral video THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF THE CIVIL RIGHTS. “Can Black people not take a joke or are some jokes just not jokes?”

FCF: Black people seem to struggle with jokes especially when the jokes on Blacks. Last week the all female Black comedy troop, Elite Delta Force 3, released The Real Housewives of the Civil Rights starring some of our most beloved leaders including Rosa Park, Winnie Mandela, Coretta Scott King, Betty Shabazz, Maya Angelou and Marilyn Monroe. The video went viral just after the second day of release upsetting various members of the Black community. Comments suggested that these mother goddesses should not be touched. Fans of the video countered saying that these same critics are at the club dancing to, “Bitch better have my money.” Where’s the line and who gets to decide who crosses it? Can Black people not take a joke? Are some jokes just not jokes? Or is just fear of what white people will do with the jokes. I know one thing’s for sure…it’s complicated. I’m Funnel Cake Flowers your Urban Chameleon news reporter from Tickles.Tv

E-mail Funnel Cake Flowers an Urban Chameleon news story to highlight at tickles@tickles.tv

*Funnel Cake Flowers recently hosted the game show, BREAK THAT STEREOTYPE!, which was an official selection of the Women in Film and Television Film Festival. Watch out now!!!

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BREAK THAT STEREOTYPE!

2011-02-14T07:27:00.000-08:00

Are you a white girl with rhythm? Are you an Asian person who is not tryin' to be a computer scientist? "Are you a Black man who is not a rapper?"

Tickles.TV is back and has just launched its latest video, BREAK THAT STEREOTYPE!

For those who aren't already familiar, the real life stories shared here on our blog are what inspire our tickles videos.

During our URBAN CHAMELEON Media event over the summer we asked people to share how they've been mis-perceived based on their "look" and a variety of interesting stories came up. Add a comedic twist and you get tickled!

If you or someone you know is an Urban Chameleon breaking stereotypes in an usual way let us know! Have your Urban Chameleon story featured by e-mailing tickles@tickles.tv

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Why do I feel guilty taking off work for MLK DAY?

2011-01-13T15:00:00.000-08:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

I'm the only Black guy at my company. I started about two and a half months ago so technically I’m still under a three-month probation before being considered a real employee.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day is this Monday, as it’s celebrated the third Monday of January every year, a national holiday signed by Ronald Reagan in 1983. I noticed that my company is not closed for the holiday and I’m hot and bothered by this. This is the first time I’ve worked for a company that doesn’t acknowledge Dr. King’s birthday. Apparently, only 33% of business’ close for this day. I wonder if this is racism or taking humanity for granted? Or both? This might sound harsh, but to not acknowledge the birth of a man who died for civil rights is a harder pill for me to swallow.

The owner of the company is Jewish and I thought he’d understand the importance of commemorating a day that represents overcoming hate, murder, oppression and obtaining civil rights – hello Holocaust? I referred to the employee manual to see if I can find supporting evidence for my case. I was ready to approach the company if I saw that the office was closed for Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashanah, but to my surprise the only three holidays we have off are the New Year, Christmas and July 4^th. Oh. I had to rethink my approach to this matter.

I decided to see my manager, who also doubles up as HR, and bring the issue to her attention. In my mind, I kept reciting how delicately and politely I would approach the subject to avoid coming off like an angry Black man. A shame that we have to think this way. My manager ended up being really cool and understanding, (not understanding enough to close the office), but explained that because the company is so small with clients who don’t take off for the holiday and are so demanding we can’t afford to close, especially in such a competitive industry. However, if I wanted to take the day off I was more than welcomed, (without it even counting against my vacation days). The irony is that we are a slave to our clients. I thanked her for her time and walked back to my desk but still not satisfied.

A friend of mine told me that he has never worked for a company that's acknowledged MLK Day. He too is the only Black guy, always finding himself in a position of having to contemplate whether or not he should take the day off because feelings of guilt and isolation arise. It's like when you don't play into the culture of corporate America; being a martyr for working to the point of exhaustion. It's a company's responsibility to set a tone and by not acknowledging MLK Day you end up feeling like THAT "Black employee" missing work over THAT "Black holiday."

MLK Day isn't just about “ME and my Black people,” it's for everyone regardless of race. It reminds us of how far we’ve come and how much farther we have to go; Gay people in this country are still fighting for civil rights. Women are still seeking equality. If your office can’t close for the holiday the least they can do is acknowledge the day; even if it’s just a company, “reply all” e-mail, subject: Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day!

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Is “Tipping” for Service a Cultural Thing?

2011-01-06T09:15:00.000-08:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

A friend of mine always says that he doesn’t understand why poverty exists. “If all the billionaires in the world got together and gave back we wouldn’t have poverty.”

But there may be a more fundamental problem to attack first...tipping. Some see this as an unjustified donation. In fact, another friend (a Black woman), told me she can’t stand to see a tip jar by the cash register, especially at a coffee house. “Why am I tipping you on $1.25 coffee, that’s like putting your hand out and begging.”

Meanwhile, a different friend (a Black man) over tips for everything, as if he’s personally trying to correct the actions, or rather lack of actions, of people like her who’ve given the race a bad name. If you’ve worked in the service industry in America, like I have, where tips are not included in the paycheck and the establishment you’re working for has factored this in, therefore paying you minimum wage, there may be justification for much ‘tude to someone who doesn’t tip you.

A cab driver in NY once told me that I should tip at least 20% when paying with a credit card. I wasn’t sure how I felt about someone telling me how I should spend my money on them, but in a city that makes you fend for your own one may be forced to speak up if they want to eat.

The stigma of Black folks not tipping has caused a cultural split, which ironically is reflected by my two friends; One side under tips or doesn't tip at all and the other over tips to overcompensate for the ones that don’t.

The friend who came up with the solution to end poverty, (who also happens to be Black), shared an article with me where Warren Buffet and Bill Gates were attempting to do exactly what he had suggested, gather all the billionaires around the world to tackle global poverty. However, one of the biggest challenges is first getting billionaires from around the world to understand the significance of “giving back,” a concept that does not even exist in some of their cultures.

It made me think about whether or not there might be a mental or emotional block in Black culture around tipping. Ya know there were all those years where we did work for free. Like anything else, some folks may just be moving at a slower pace to wrap their heads and hearts around this thing called tipping.

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"Without a BMW, I’m Just a Negro With an Opinion"

2010-12-12T12:30:00.000-08:00

By today’s Urban Chameleon contributor

That’s right I said it, “Without a BMW, I’m just a Negro with an opinion.” That’s what my NAACP, MBA, PHD, Fulbright scholar, friend told me the other day. I almost spit out my peppermint tea. I wasn’t sure if he was being comical or not; even though his sentiment nearly made me inhale my drink through my nose, the sincerity in which he said it really got me thinking…

How ironic is it that a scholar has the same aspirations as a drug dealer/rapper.

My scholarly friend had just purchased himself a new 7series Black BMW. He called to see if I was home before driving to my crib to show off his new ride. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, that joint is fly! Massage seats, mirrors that fold in and rotate up at a ninety-degree angle, and an automated notepad that can record messages, thoughts, and pontifications while you are driving. Automatic windshield wipers that can sense weather conditions, regardless of rain, hail, sleet or snow. Here my friend was, someone who had spent years dedicating himself to higher learning, who in this moment was feeling himself like the drug dealer, Caine, from Menace to Society driving around in his new ride. I loved it. Where was the context in media for this kind of Black man?

I laughed when he told me about how his BMW had changed his life. Valet's, at restaurants now call him “sir”, women are checking out to see who he is, and business men confront him just to give respect. A meter maid asked what he had to do to get "a ride like that" before allowing him to park in a red zone. My friend coolly responded, “I’m a professor.”

Before the BMW,his family for years wondered why someone with all of his degrees, who they occasionally saw on TV, (not realizing that just because you’re on TV doesn’t mean you’re rich), was driving a hoopty. He was cleaning up his credit and responsibly putting his money aside for his house before indulging in materialistic desires. However, they couldn’t see that. Especially not his sixteen year old nephew who he had been trying to help stay out of trouble. He told me about the time his nephew was sent to stay with him and how he tried to talk to him about the rewards of owning a house, but the kid took one look at his hoopty and couldn’t hear a word. A house has abstract value, especially after the great crash, and especially to a sixteen year old. It wasn’t until his nephew saw his BMW did he emulate the cinematic emotion of that popular movie line, “Now you got the juice.”

What it boils down to is the American dream is the same inside the 'hood as it is out, and he had lived in both environments long enough to confirm this. His lectures suddenly hold more weight with both students and colleagues continuing to give him "the juice." Like he said, Before the BMW he was just a Negro with an opinion.

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How Do Black Men Handle White Angst?

2010-12-03T08:24:00.000-08:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

It’s happened a few times now where I’ve been out at a bar and some drunk white guy says something real disrespectful that channels my ‘hood instincts…

Last night, a childhood friend stopped by, he was passing through Atlanta on his way to Santa Fe, New Mexico to purchase new artwork for his collection. Here we are a couple of brothers catching up on politics, social injustices and ways to solve the problems of our communities.

We decided to grab a couple of beers at a spot down the street. The place was crowded, but I saw this white guy get up and begin to move away from the table or shall I say stumble away. I asked if he was finished and he turns to me and says, “I’m done when I say I’m done boy.”

In that very moment it didn’t matter that I was a PH.D, Fulbright Scholar, tenure professor who has written three books with a new release on the way. I was a man who had just been disrespected and was ready to rumble. I knew how Skip Gates felt when that cop was on his property; all the bullsh*t that’s been swallowed to get to where I am and I’m still chewing.

This white man had no idea that where I grew up people were shot and killed for reasons not nearly as valid as this. My boy stepped in reminding me that I had a 9AM class to teach. For an Urban Chameleon in this kind of situation you always have to ask your self is it worth kicking his ass.

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Urban Chameleon "Create Your Own Media" Live Event

2010-11-28T11:55:00.000-08:00

This past summer, Urban Chameleon Media had its first live event in Atlanta by adapting and featuring some of the HOTUC stories contributed by our community! Guest readers included:

JELANI COBB, History Professor and Author of “The Substance of Hope: Barack Obama & The Paradox of Progress”

Performing: "Don't Let the Kenneth Cole Fool Ya" (original title: Does the term "Oreo" always haunt the Urban Chameleon" & "Black Vegans"

DENATALIE PHILLIPS, Publicist and Performing Artist

Performing: "My Cousin's Opinion on Health Care" & "The Misperceptions About Africa: It's a Continent Not a Country"

FAHAMU PECOU, Ground breaking Visual Artist featured at the High Museum

Performing: "You Betta (Find) Work!" & "Ashy Elbows"

ARTURO LINDSAY, Educator, Artist and Editor of “Santeria Aesthetics in Contemporary Latin American Art” published by the Smithsonian Institution Press

Performing: "The First and Last Black Man at the Country Club" & "What Do You Mean Jorge Doesn't Speak Spanish" (originally titled: When Another Spanish Person Tries to Play You"

Thanks to our evolving Urban Chameleon community we are able to continue to spread the multifaceted experiences that challenge stereotypes and provide an in yo’ face perspective on real issues that affect us.

Watch the Urban Chameleon experience here!

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Crack boo Where Are You?

2010-11-22T07:05:00.000-08:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

I work for one of the largest PR firms in the metro Atlanta area. I don’t make a whole lot of money, but a couple of years ago I decided to invest my hard earned dollars into my first piece of property. The neighborhood isn't the sheikest, but I’ve created an oasis in my ‘hood.

Owning a home was a dream come true, but keeping up the property was a nightmare; someone has to shovel snow in the winter and pick up leaves in the fall. You can imagine my delight when God answered by prayers. God blessed me with a crack head who knocked on my door one night offering to pick up the leaves from my front yard for $5.00. At first, I was skeptical, but I took one look at all those leaves and said ok. Now some people may think I was taking advantage of this woman but she set the price and, as far as I was concerned, it was a win/win for everyone.

About five minutes later crack boo knocked on my door. She had piled up every single leaf and asked if I had a trash bag. She then offered to clear the gutter for another $5.00; couldn’t say no to that deal either. She was back at my door in five minutes and the gutter was clear. Crack boo was averaging $1.00 a minute.

I have no idea how crack boo got on top of my roof with no ladder or cleaned up those leaves with no rake. All I know is crack boo was fast and never bothered me for any tools, not that I had any to offer.

This relationship went on for several months. Once a week crack boo continued to expand her list of services. She even offered to wash my car. Guess how much? $5.00! But I decided against that service because I never saw any water and I can’t be rolling around town with spit shine. Other than that, I couldn’t complain. I wouldn’t have been able to afford my mortgage payment if I had to pay market price for these services.

Eventually, I stopped hearing from crack boo. I didn’t know if she got locked up, strung out or moved on to different neighborhood. Maybe she got clean. All I know is life has not been the same with out crack boo.

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Why Chinese People in China Are So Fascinated With Black People

2010-11-11T08:47:00.000-08:00

by today’s urban Chameleon contributor

I was recently introduced to a young woman who had just finished touring with a singing group in China and said that everywhere she went people stared at her. When she first landed in the foreign country she was very uncomfortable. One man ran into a pole while staring. She soon learned of their belief that Black people have tails; which is why our butts are so big! Isn't it amazing how ignorance and imagination can be so closely connected?

She described a frightening scene in front of The Great Wall of China where a busload of people got off and charged her. Her first instinct was to mentally prepare to kick some ass. But the crowd surrounded her instead to admire her skin, hair, and even asked if she would hold their babies. The story sounded like an awkward combination of paparazzi and a petting zoo. After accepting the circumstances, the hustler in her decided to start charging 10 yuan per admirer.

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An Off-Duty Cop Shoots a Gunman While Getting Her Hair Done in Brooklyn!

2010-11-10T06:39:00.000-08:00

Urban Chameleon Spotlight

The New York Times recently covered the story of an off-duty police officer who was getting her done when a gunman entered looking to rob the salon. After the gunman ordered the four ladies present into the bathroom, officer Ferris Jones took control of the situation. She came out of the bathroom with her gun drawn and identified herself as a police officer, the gunman still opened fire. Officer Ferris Jones fired back, which resulted in a gunshot wound to the gunman’s hand. After breaking through the front door, the gunman exited. Police later found him at a local hotel after following a trail of blood from his wound.

The article rightfully commends Officer Ferris Jones for her act of duty, but we here at HOTUC would like to acknowledge the officer for her Urban Chameleon duty.

This woman went from beauty shop to Robo cop in an instant. Although the article doesn’t quite explain why officer Ferris Jones didn’t go after the gunman, I think it’s safe to assume she needed to finish with her hair appointment; she was off duty. Bravo, Officer Ferris Jones! And might I add…the hair looks fabulous! You’re our Urban Chameleon pick of the day.

read full article on nytimes.com

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Will Smith breaks down the key to success like nobody else

2010-11-09T13:24:00.000-08:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

An incredibly empowering video on Will Smith's truth about success

Will Smith states, "We didn't grow up with the sense that where we were is where we were going to be. We grew up with the sense that where we were almost didn't matter."

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For Colored Girls: A Messy, Miserable Melodrama

2010-11-08T05:11:00.000-08:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor Thembi Ford

Did Tyler Perry, the man I consider “the King of Coonery,” completely destroy the play that so many black girls carried dog-eared copies of in our high school and college backpacks?

Not really, and there isn’t a drop of coonery in For Colored Girls. What Tyler Perry did do in writing and directing his own version of Ntozake Shange’s 1975 classic For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf is best described as a gentle butchering: he leaves the skeleton intact but replaces the heart of the original with a heavy dose of “no good black man” melodrama and some film-making gymnastics.

Shange’s original choreopoem features an intentionally stripped down aesthetic and a cast of seven women each represented by a different color. Through poetry and dance, the classic play voices the challenges and joys of black womanhood by addressing issues such as race, rape, abortion, falling in love, and learning to accept yourself, brown skin and all. Perry’s interpretation replaces the anonymous women with a cast of characters whose experiences are occasionally expressed through Shange’s poetry but are primarily presented via a heavy-handed storyline that makes For Colored Girls more of a two-hour long soap opera than a work of art. Most of the events come straight from Shange’s work, but Perry updates the story with a male supporting cast, some moralizing about HIV and religion, and of course, a brother on “the down-low.” Yes, fans of the original, you officially have permission to roll your eyes.

The film begins with one of my favorite poems, “sing a black girl’s song/bring her out/to know yourself/to know you/but sing her rhythms/carin/struggle/hard times/sing her song of life…” Before long I realized which notes this film erases from our song: the blissful ones. There is no Toussaint. There is no hopscotch. The joys of a first sexual experience as told by Shange’s poem “graduation nite,” are reduced to a first act aside. Perry’s version of a black girl song is more funeral march than praise dance. Instead of a well-rounded and inclusive interpretation of Shange’s work, Perry deftly manages to suck out most of the joy and hope that made the original so vibrant and true. His is a hat trick that almost impresses as much as it insults.

As expected, Shange’s eloquent poems about love, loss, and self-reliance are the best part of For Colored Girls, but their integration into the storyline is jarring and even silly at times. Imagine your standard musical but insert poetry instead of songs and there you have Perry’s solution for turning the choreopoem into a dramatic film. Theater adapted to film is always a tall order, but it’s hard to take a monologue seriously when an actress abruptly adjusts her countenance and, with a quivering lip, delivers a monologue in out-of-place language over a dramatic instrumental that ramps up for the poem’s duration and then abruptly disappears to make way for everyday scripted dialogue. A handful of these are well done, but it’s too easy to groan when a character suddenly catches the “Shange Holy Ghost.” This patchwork approach does a disservice to Shange’s words, which are still magical and remarkably descriptive today, even at over thirty years old. Perhaps, with some adjustment, Perry has created a new art form, but probably not.

Fortunately, the cast makes For Colored Girls watchable even when the film-making is bumpy. Kimberly Elise, Phylicia Rashad, and Anika Noni Rose all put forth excellent performances and every single woman in the cast acts her behind off – even problematically so in the case of Janet Jackson, who caricaturizes the cold career-woman in a way that made me wonder what ever did happen to Penny after she got over her mother’s abuse and moved out of the projects. In spite of the gratuitous tear-jerking story line (promotional tissue packets were even handed out at the screening I attended), For Colored Girls is easily the best Tyler Perry film I’ve watched, with strong attention to visuals and some powerful scenes. But how did a play about black female identity and empowerment turn into a movie about how hard it is to rise above all of the nonsense that men put us through?

For Colored Girls leaves black women battered and communing with God and each other exclusively after we’ve travelled the rough road that some scoundrel brother has laid out for us. Meanwhile, the original passages illustrating the beautiful bits of black-girl-ness are omitted, humorized, or broken apart and scattered into barely recognizable pieces throughout the film. Of those included, the final poem “laying on of hands,” is too little, too late, and too cinematically similar to the final scenes of Waiting To Exhale to work well in For Colored Girls.

Not only does Perry’s tendency to deal in miserable stereotypes take charge in the adaptation, the women of For Colored Girls are an even worse lot, each of them victims of their own poor decision-making in the pursuit of male love. His reputation for black male bashing through stereotypes will likely take the blame for the cavalcade of one-dimensional no-good Negroes in the film – abuser, rapist, cheater, liar, murderer – but most of these characters also existed in the original without ever appearing on-stage. The difference between the two is that Shange’s women were propped up by joy, while Perry’s are driven by their need to escape sorrow.

Perry largely glosses over the persistent issues of race, sisterhood, and how plain old happy we are to be Colored Girls in the first place. That happiness, not the evil that men do, is what made For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf a groundbreaking collection of poetry and the voice of black female identity for generations of women. In that sense, the film accomplishes the very opposite of what admirers of the original work find so powerful. Thanks to Perry’s interpretation, we are again being told – this time in a twisted version of our own words – what defines us.

by Thembi Ford

To read more from Thembi visit What Would Thembi Do?

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George Bush Comes for Kanye West

2010-11-07T20:03:00.000-08:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

I can't help but to get some small joy out of knowing that Kanye West is still on George Bush’s mind. In an interview with the former president, Matt Lauer asks Bush if he remembered the comment Kanye made about him, he answered, "Yes, I do. He called me a racist.” He later goes on to say, "My record was strong I felt when it came to race relations and giving people a chance. And--it was a disgusting moment.”

What Kanye West actually said was that Bush didn’t care about Black people. A friend and I argued whether it was appropriate for Kanye to make the comment. My friend argued that it was very wrong, especially after witnessing how Kanye has obviously made making un-staged outbursts a habit. However, if we isolate Kanye’s actions, the Bush comment was warranted even if just for the reason of causing people to analyze the comment. It was a raw sentiment that was very real in Black communities during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Maybe a more accurate comment would have been that Bush doesn’t care about poor people (who happen to be Black). The real question is: does the actual handling of Hurricane Katrina have the same emotional effect on George Bush as Kanye West’s comment?

Read Yahoo's article George Bush Doesn’t Care About Kanye West

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What the "F" Has Obama Done So Far?

2010-11-04T09:16:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

If Barack Obama is not personally coming into people's home to give them back massages it's as if the man has not done anything at all. Some argue that Obama's team need to do a better job at promoting the changes he has made but then people would complain about that... and god forbid media cover progress. So I'm going to to help out.

A sample provided by www.whatthefuckhasObamadonesofar.com

For the extended list visit www.whatthefuckhasObamadonesofar.com

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Gay Chameleons vs. Urban Chameleons

2010-11-03T13:57:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor by DJXS

** Picture this, me: Arms folded in my tastefully decorated Harlem condo and giving my laptop screen --- having just digested several posts on the Home of The Urban Chamele

on's website --- some serious, not to be played with side eye action.

Oh, and also picture those same folded arms defiantly below a luscious pair of pursed lips unleashing a few sassy "mmmmm, whateva"s upon further reflection on the aforementioned posts. **

"What's the T, boo?” you ask in a quest for the truth, I’m sure. Well I got a fairy tale for ya that ain’t got a damn thing to with glass slippers, any bears or unemployed white

girls sleeping in castles all day --- hold up, wait a minute!

So, I've been silently flag waving for this whole Urban Chameleon movement for a hot second or two. I mean, it's cute for y'all: engaging tales of effortlessly fluctuating between cultures seemingly at odds with each other. A couple of your stories have even moved me to tears, excuse me, tear. Don’t get it twisted, though; I’m not trying for come for anyone’s personal experiences. The modest display of emotion is simply cuz I loves me a theatrical moment and nothing says "dramatic Oscar clip" better than a singularly shed droplet from mine eye, but I digress.

I can hold my tongue no longer with you Urban Chameleon kids and your culture hopping chatter. Y'all really put the "me" in "chameleon" with all this "I'M juggling several different worlds" and "I-I-I’m always trying to find balance" business --- chile, boo! Oh what? You doin' something special cuz you navigate from “whattup, ma?” to foie gras to Oye Como Va? Mmmm... I vote "nuh uh". No, for the

real deal Holyfield, grab you a notepad Urban Chameleons --- or an iPad (since it is all about "me" with you urban children) --- and don't be late for the bus... cuz you 'bout to be schooled!

Long before you lil' Urban Chameleons and your "chai latte" this and "curry goat" that, there were what? The G-to-the-A-Y-S, oh yes --- THE GAYS! Peep the credentials, honey: throughout history, we gays have been chameleon-ing and fiercely setting the standard on how to do so long before you, the new crew, got all MJ about the situation cuz y'all "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'." Mmm hmmm, so while the Bible, Koran or other noted holy scripture of choice was throwing us back in the day shade with all that tired abomination hateration,

my founding forefathers and foremothers of the rainbow coalition were showin' out at night --- can you say “corset queen catwalk”? --- and blending in during the day with the breeders down atthe horse ‘n’ buggy wash... trust! Yes, celebrated urbies, your struggles are noteworthy but they don’t pre-date the skills of the gay chameleon. So don't get all Nicki Minaj up in this piece and act like y'all birf-ded this ish! Shout out to Lil’ Kim… ugh, what what?

C'mon, take a good look at history: the caterers for The Last Supper?, the designers of the soldiers' Civil War outfits... er, "uniforms"?, the entirety of Greek mythology?, the first recorded telephone transmission(you know, Alex G. Bell's "Mr. Watson, come here I need you" cries of passion)? The common denominator of them all?...HOWYOUDOIN?! Oh... and joo don't know? Probably not since most of these significant moments in history have flown under the gaydar, cuz those crafty kids were what? chameleon-ing, honey --- catch it, learn it, discern it!

Urban You Know Who's, I beseech thee: no more of this "me, je suis, yo soy" way too "I"-centric chameleon talk. Y'all need to pump your breaks and slow down with all that tryin’ to not give credit where credit is due mess --- shooot, where I come from, we consider credit stealing “pulling stunts.” Realize and recognize that this societal adaptability thang got roots like Alex Hailey, boo; it ain't a new phenomenon. I mean, y'all holdin' it down now, but it HAS been held before --- hello, good morning! So to my (g)urban chameleons past and present I say, kudos to us for our deft balancing act and let’s continue to push for a world of mutual cultural enlightenment... or rather, "ooooh, we betta do it! 10's, 10's, 10's across the board! Weeerrrrrrk!"

* Written entirely, of course, with tongue planted firmly in cheek, sorta. :)

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Black Marriage Negotiations' webseries hitting a sensitive spot?

2010-11-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

My wife and I have had endless conversations about women’s standards not just being too high but unrealistic when it comes to men. I have seen many of her friends overlook a great opportunity in front of them because it wasn’t “packaged right.” Somewhere along the way women got an idea in their mind of the perfect man and the perfect relationship but I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t exist. Allow yourself to create a connection based on a connection than work out the packaging.

Read The Root’s interview with the creator of Black Negotiations, Darroll Lawson.

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Kanye West teams up with Hype Williams for "Runaway"

2010-10-24T12:03:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

It’s always refreshing to see artists who emerge from Hip-Hop push the envelop beyond the stereo typical images usually associated with the genre; like big booty hoes gathered at a club around a group of guys popping champagne throwing recession proof dollars in our faces.

Kanye West is an artist who (regardless if it works or not) has succeeded at exploring creativity, a criticism I often have about urban media in general being limited to the same recycled ideas.

His new 34min short film “Runaway” written by Hype Williams, starring lingerie model Selita Ebanks previews some good music to come from his album Nov 22 and is visually interesting but emotionally lacking as the chemistry of the product never quite sparks. Something to watch? Sure.

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Jay Z Worth $450 Million and Growing. New book "Decoded" Coming Soon

2010-10-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

Wall Street Journal article by John Jurgensen

The State of Jay-Z's Empire

He's worth an estimated $450 million and hobnobs with Bill Gates and Warren Buffett. How the Brooklyn-born performer has become the leading music impresario of his generation.

In the early days of his entrepreneurship, there were awkward exchanges with white-collar guys trying to relate. "In the beginning it was ' 'Sup, man!' " he says in his soft speaking voice. "But at this point, it's pretty much accepted that I walk both worlds naturally."

And yet, he chafes at the lack of respect for a genre that some people still dismiss wholesale because of ugly words and violent imagery. W hen he shares strawberry malts with Warren Buffett, confers with the president, or even vacations in St. Tropez, he does so on behalf of "the culture," he says, by which he means hip-hop.

Now, to state his case more clearly, the rapper born Shawn Carter has turned to prose. His first book, "Decoded," to be published Nov. 16, is a hybrid of music history, social commentary and memoir, with an emphasis on his transition from the crack trade to the music business. The 336-page book is structured around the lyrics to 36 Jay-Z songs, each footnoted to unpack his allusions, slang and double entendres. This couplet, "No lie, just know I chose my own fate/I drove by the fork in the road and went straight," is explained in footnote 16 to the song "Renegade": "I went straight—stopped selling drugs—but I also didn't accept the false choice between poverty and breaking the law." Microsoft put up about $1 million for the marketing of the book.

He had rejected proposals to write a conventional business-strategy book. "Our ambition was never to just fit into the corporate mold, it was to take it over and remake that world in our image," he writes in a footnote to "Operation Corporate Takeover," a song that rhymes "reverse merger" with "no need to converse further."

read the rest at onlinewsj.com

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Daddy's, Keep Your Daughters Off the Pole

2010-10-21T09:14:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

Chris Rock shared wisdom when he said: “Fathers, our only job is to keep our daughters off the pole “ (or out of the porno video).

So what happened with Montana “Chippy D” Fishburne?

As a 52yr old father of a 19-year old daughter, the same age as Chippy D, my “dad hat” made me over analyze what went wrong here.

What’s been revealed is that Daddy was scarce in Chippy D’s life before she moved in with him, and afterwards, we can guess that it was too much of an adjustment to attend to the new-in-his-daily-world needs and interests of his daughter. This had to be squeezed in somehow (or not) between shooting sequels and Hollywood power lunches. Somewhere during the making of the Matrix, young Chippy discovered getting jiggy, getting on camera, and ultimately getting noticed by everyone else including dad; even if for an Andy Warhol 15 minutes.

Porn makes millionaires, but they are never the 18 year-old wannabees, abusees or refugees on camera. This removes the money motive. So what else led to the barely legal Chippy D, a woman with means being turned out?

I found daddy Fishburne’s interview responses on the subject revealing. Yes, he seemed disappointed and is in fact disowning her until she starts acting right. The last thing Chippy D needs is less attention from daddy. Daddy Fishburne’s real concern seemed to be that Chippy D used the family name, “No one uses their real name in porno,” he stated. That’s only if a person wanted to be anonymous.

Her choice of screen names is a clue about their father-daughter dynamic…and I suspect it went south long before her co-star did. Dad to dad, take notes, Lawrence. I feel your pain, but here’s a tip: Montana’s pain didn’t start when she took off her clothes on camera.

According to Chris Rock who also said that they don’t grade fathers, but if they did …and that dad’s daughter is on a pole (or in a multi-position porno using her family name), Lawrence Fishburne you have failed.

I was divorced from my 19-year-old daughter’s mother many years ago in “War of the Roses” fashion and have been a long-distance dad since she was 5, present no matter the distance. Daughter is today a freshman at Columbia University a poised, well-adjusted, engaging, thoughtful, contributing soul in the world. Her mother and I were a mistake from day one but her birth was a treasured gift and her development a sacred, ancient responsibility that I will always continue to honor.

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Sesame Street Song: I love My Hair

2010-10-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

The ABC program with Diane Sawyer discussing how and why the new Black puppet on Sesame street singing about her hair came about seems to have also brought on some controversy. The head writer, Joey Mazzarino wrote the song in response to his adopted daughter from Ethiopia complaining about her hair not being beautiful. One commentary wrote, “It took a white man to bring attention to this?”

Black girls (and women for that matter) feeling insecure about their nappy heads has been an issue that has been around for centuries. However, centuries ago white men weren’t adapting Black babies to be raised in a loving home, at least not publicly, where they could be hip to this issue. I cannot recall another time where there was such sensational buzz about Black girls and their hair that had this much cross over appeal. The pattern of irony is that some issues take the right time, right context and yes, right person in order for the light to shed.

Click link for ABC Special

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYTG9wwJE5k

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Will & Jada Pinkett-Smith's daughter, Willow "Whips Her Hair"

2010-10-19T09:57:00.000-07:00

by today’s Urban Chameleon contributor QsNewz

D*mn you, excuse me, darn you Willow Smith! When I posted the teaser for the debut video of the youngest member of the Smith Fam Hollywood Takover Mafia this past weekend, I was praying that the vid would be wack so I could simply ignore it and continue to not cover a nine year old girl's material on my blog. Unfortunately hot is hot, and I have no choice but to give this kid a "go on, girl!" seal of approval while I curse out the grown folks makin' music who can't seem to come with this kind of heat.

Armed with a ton of charisma and sass generously DNA-donated by her famous parents, La 'Low takes her kiddie club banger "Whip My Hair" from curious novelty to legitimate chart hit with the addition of a visually striking, and age-appropriate, video. The clip opens in a sterile, depressing class-eteria before Ill Will descends upon the children with her magic boom box and blesses the situation with some much needed color via her expert hair whipping skills, some braided extensions, and a few choice finger paints. The styling in the video, from the cotton candy pink mohawk to the knee-high lace-up striped rain boots, is of the "OMG, super cute!" variety and the pre-teen fashionista easily surpasses the recent "oooh, you tried it" efforts of Ciara and LowLow's oft-cited inspiration, Rihanna.

So yeah, the video is cute and well done and all, but um... whose genius idea was it to cast hair whipping goddess, Dance Crew diva and NYC ball legend Leyomi Mizrahi? Seeing LeyLey do her thang all up in this Nickelodeon-bound clip is one of those "You know what would've been really cool? If they had gotten..." propositions --- but this time, it actually happened! With one video, this kid has achieved what it sometimes takes the um, more seasoned pop girls a couple of albums, a few edgy photo shoots and a handful of performances at gay clubs to achieve --- she has already cemented what will surely be a loyal fanbase in the ball community by simply shouting out one of their own.

She sings/raps! She dances! She wears funky outfits! Yes, Willow has definitely got the whole "adorable" thing on lock right now and it'll be interesting to see where her career goes from here cuz famous last name aside, the girl undoubtedly does have "it"! Now, how much you wanna bet some of these older chicks are taking notes and brushing up on their hair whipping? Weave merchants are about to have the best week ever! Grade: B+

For more commentary visit QsNewz

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Real Housewives of DC: The Mis-Use of the Word “Racist”

2010-10-17T19:55:00.000-07:00

by today’s Urban Chameleon contributor HaJ

Last Thursday’s Real Housewives of DC Reunion show sparked an interesting conversation with my family about race and culture. Cast member Stacie Scott Turner called co-star Mary Schmidt Amons out for personifying a more ethnic demeanor when talking to her; imitating the stereotypical “s” shape motion of the finger and head roll that is usually associated with Black women. Mary explained it as a “quirk” that has nothing to do with race. I beg to differ.

My family and I talked about how common it is to take on the persona of someone you interact with. When I get in front of Caribbean folks, three might turn into tree. A foreigner who speaks very little English may cause me to speak slower. If I’m in a corporate setting my “ing’s” are enunciated. When I’m with my Puerto Rican girls from around-the-way I may speak it so that juno.

My point is, dialects, hand motions and energy levels can constantly change depending on whom one interacts with. However, what I find problematic is when people take on an urban tone with me when I’m not personifying one.

In corporate environments, where I have been the minority, I've found this to be most common. A white colleague once sent me a work e-mail that started with, “What up yo.” I was the only person in the office that he seemed to take up this informal language with. I never initiated or reciprocated it. So where is this coming from?

He, like many others whom I’ve encountered, is personifying the only image of Black culture featured in media, Hip Hop. Therefore, it’s all they know, and as a result urban professionals everywhere fall victim to stereotypes. I remember a friend of mine from Inglewood annoyed with her boss for telling clients that she was from Compton; as if to brag that she was a child of a ghetto he had saved. Even Michelle Obama has been called a "Baby Mama." What in the hell! Not even the first damn lady of the United States can escape the stereotypes.

However, can we qualify this behavior as racist when people simply don't know any better? The fact is there are more images of Black rappers in media than urban professionals, more Asians portrayed as tech geeks than slouches, and Muslims as angry cynical bombers than people with hopes and dreams like everyone else.

The question is how does one become educated when more often than not… they don’t even know they’re NOT educated?

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Why in the Heck is Columbus Day a Holiday?

2010-10-11T10:10:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon poet

Why can't I cash a check today?

Why can't I call the company about the status of my check today?

Is this really because of Columbus day?

Why can't I check out a book from the library today?

Why can't my children be educated today?

Please tell me it's not because of Columbus day?

Why can't I get my Netflix in the mail today?

Or check to see if that check is in the mail today?

IS THIS REALLY BECAUSE IT'S COLUMBUS DAY?!

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Your Eyes Aren’t Slanty Enough to be Asian

2010-10-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor Sarah K. Cho

My name is Sarah K. Cho and I admit I’m a twinkie. According to my parents I am full Korean but according to the film and television industry my eyes aren’t slanty enough to play the Asian prostitute, martial artist or tech geek. After years of auditioning and constantly letting casting directors down with my poor Korean accent of “me no speak no English,” I finally earned the non-speaking part of a stripper wearing pasties and a thong on CSI.

“ You just have to do the Halle Berry thing then you can turn down those kind of rolls,” my friends said. I’m in New York now.

What sucks is, if I WERE good at math or science I wouldn’t be stuck trying to break into this god forsaken entertainment industry.

Growing up I fit nowhere. Not the Korean church I was force to attend or the Korean Christian camp (yes they have those). Apparently I did not act “Korean” enough for Koreans.

I guess I am like the bumblebee. According to the greatest minds of science it should not be able to fly. The wings just aren’t big enough. So what does the bumblebee do? Fly anyway. I doubt that it cares what anyone thinks.

If you’re in New York, come and see my stand up comedy routine this Monday Columbus Day, October 11, 2010 at Carolines (1626 Broadway Ny NY 10019). Discounted cover price of $5 when you mention my name, Sarah Cho to make a reservation 212-757-4100.

NO I’m not related to Margaret Cho but you can say that you met me before I had to resort to the pasties and a thong.

P.S. If you can't tell already this woman on the left is not me of Margaret.

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What would happen if Chris Rock, Wanda Sykes and Dave Chappelle didn't put our business out in the streets?

2010-10-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

by today’s Urban Chameleon contributor

My mom once told me a story about a Black woman she knew years ago whose first encounter with white people was in college at NYU. She had only seen white people on TV.

The woman’s college roommate was white and she swore never to let this woman see the process of a Black girl’s hair. She would wake up early just to get into the bathroom before anyone else was awake to do her thang and then stay up late to repeat her routine. What was she afraid of?

Last week in my playwriting class a student performed a monologue about “Ashy Elbows.” Before the performance could begin, our fifty something year old white teacher first had to ask, “What is ash?” Ironically, the Black man performing the monologue had ashy elbows and was able to provide the teacher with a visual reference.

I shared this exchange with a couple of friends and they were shocked to learn there were people in this world that didn’t know what “ash” was. My Jewish friend from college said it never dawned on her to use moisturizer until she saw us, Black girls, bathing ourselves with it in the morning. She now incorporates moisturizer into her daily routine because, as she says, it makes her skin feel so much better. But had we not shared our process of getting ready in the morning she might still be denied this luxury.

I think back to Dave Chappelle and how the cultural over-share started to slip into dangerous territory; as I heard he mentioned something about that it began to feel like white people where laughing at us.

The Black community was pissed with Chris Rock for puttin' our bid'ness out in da streets with his film, Good Hair.

Wanda Sikes has a funny standup routine about Black People being PARANOID of what white people think about them. My question is: Why do we still care?

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HR Complains About My Muslim Smell

2010-10-05T06:35:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

A couple of months ago, a Black female colleague of mine was pulled into HR in the middle of the day. When she returned she told me that someone had complained about her scent being too strong. She’s from the Bronx and is always stopping along her commute to the city buying the Muslim oils up on Fordham Rd. I know this because I've seen her collection. HR claimed that her scent was activating people’s allergies. I bet that it was a partner that complained. I will admit that her scent was a little strong but only in the morning when everyone is FRESH.

What’s crazy is that in our copy and file room, the white guys down there drown themselves in cologne and nothing was said to them. Their scents are so strong you can almost taste it. A month ago my colleague left for a better a job and a new Black girl started work. She sat next to me and I never smelled her but sure enough a couple of hours into her first day they sent out a company e-mail about not wearing “strong” scents. Maybe they just don’t like how Black girls’ smell.

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Baby Mama Drama vs. The Business of Educating Our Children

2010-10-04T03:59:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

My cousin, who lives in Philadelphia, called my husband and I to get our take on whether or not he should attempt to get his three-year old daughter into a better school.

Now the obvious answer to this question would be: Of course! Especially since Philly’s public school graduation rate is so low.

My cousin recently moved from the ‘hood to the suburbs, and now has the opportunity to send his daughter to a great school; FOR FREE! But apparently, it’s not that simple.

You see, by the time he figured out that the woman he had laid down with during a night of hot and heated passion was drama, a baby was on the way. Thus, another classic case of “Baby mama drama” was also born.

Now baby mama, who has custody of their daughter, tries to make my cousin’s life as difficult as possible. Calls the crib all times of the night, comes by unannounced, threatens his current girlfriend, creates difficult arrangements for him to see his daughter, etc., etc., etc. To make matters worse, baby mama cannot read and write. I don’t know what’s worse – dealing with an educated fool or an ignorant one. When I asked why not get custody of his daughter he informed me that the court won’t separate a child from their mother unless you can prove that there is something “wrong” in the household like drug or physical abuse. What about ignorance abuse?

My cousin is concerned that his daughter will end up like her mother if he doesn’t at least put her in the better school. The new school is two hours a way from baby’s mama who wants the daughter home with her every night. Oh, and did I mention that she doesn’t drive? So my cousin would have to drive two hours in the morning to pick his daughter up and two hours in the afternoon to bring her back, which his work schedule doesn’t allow.

Baby mama has another daughter, by a different father, who is seven and doesn’t know her multiplication table. My cousin described the time he tried to teach her and the mother shouted for them to stop. Lawd chil’ this was like a scene right out of Precious. The idea of a parent not wanting the best for their child is bewildering to me. It’s a deadly mix of low self-esteem and ego, which can keep us from recognizing the bigger picture.

Regardless of the school, your child’s education starts at home. So what do you do?

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The Inner Racist vs. The Business of Educating Our Children

2010-10-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

I am a Jewish woman who works at a high successful charter school in Newark, NJ teaching predominately Black children.

I came to this educational organization not to be the "Great white hope" but because I truly know that if one of us is not free than we are all enslaved.

In my years working at this school, I have been brought to me knees in awe of the children and their capacity to grow and change in the face of tremendous adversity. Many of our children have incarcerated relatives, are exposed to drug activity and gang violence on a daily basis as well as countless other mountains of opposition. Still they come to school everyday because they believe in education and the power it has to change lives. Just about a week ago we got word that we were awarded the prestigious Blue Ribbon in education. President Barack Obama and Secretary of Education Arnie Duncan give this award to high achieving schools that are sending children to college. Only 300 schools were given this prestigious award and of those schools, 80 were given the dubious honor of being named high achieving (the best of the best) and we were in that select field.

It is a tremendous honor. Education is not a sexy field; they don’t make TV shows about the truth of education. Instead they make poorly acted movies where a privileged white woman goes into predominantly Black neighborhood wearing pearls wanting to make a difference and over night change comes about. This is not the temperature of education in our county. Getting this award really meant something to my school and it really meant something to me Our community is here at 6:45 in the morning and stay through 5:00, 6:00, 7:00 at night all to be the best at serving our children. It was nice to get recognition for our hard work and for our children to be regarded as beacons of excellence.

I excitedly shared the news with my family who were very proud of the accomplishment and the recognition. My sister came over one night for dinner and I told her the good news. She responded, “Well, because it’s a Black school.” She immediately went red in the face, half-heartedly tried to back pedal and explain at the same time really feeling that way.

Her ignorance was jarring since for the past few years I have been working in a cocoon surrounded by like minded people as me who believed in creating a school where under privileged children succeed...and yes the reality is that many of these children are Black. However, the honor my school received wasn't given out of affirmative action as her comment suggested. It was in response to a crisis we face in this country around education.

Corey Booker, the mayor of Newark stated, “One cannot have a superior democracy with an inferior education system”. The rights of our children to be educated is a human right that we are denying them if we continue to provide them with sub-par schooling. The state of education in this country is in dire need of social reform…and not just for Black children but also for ALL children. We will never reach our full potential as a people if we continue to ignore our inadequate system of educating our children. If one of us succeeds we all succeed. 52% of our countries' children did not graduate from High School last year. In Newark alone, less than 2 % of all children graduate from high school.

My sister has since apologized stating that it was just her “inner racist” coming out. However, it's this kind of fundamental thinking that also needs to be educated.

Suffice it to say, we still have a ways to go.

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"White People Love Wayne Brady" and now so do Black people

2010-09-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

For years Black audiences associated Wayne Brady as an "Uncle Tom" or a culturally detached brotha. However, since Wayne's Brady's debut on the The Chappelle Show a few years back, revealing himself to have a "gangsta" side, he has gained much respect. His Urban Chameleonism came out and Black audiences could satirically relate. If you have not seen Mr. Brady's rendition of Bobby Brown's, "Every Little Step" featuring Mike Tyson I encourage you to watch NOW. GENIUS!

Every Little Step with Mike Tyson & Wayne Brady from Mike Tyson

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Servitude Sistas With Attitudes (part two)

2010-09-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

By Anonymous

Click here to read (part one)

Sistas in positions of servitude are often gatekeepers to the information you need. Whether you're trying to return an item a day past the expiration date, or not tying to have to stand in multiple lines at the DMV because of a missing document – these sistas will either make or break your day.

You often have to approach the situation thinking, “Do I want to win or do I want to be right?”

For example, knocking a sista upside the head for giving you much attitude when answering a simple question, may be considered the "right" thing to do – being that it’s her job to answer the question! But if you just missed your connection and are trying to get information on the next available flight, this might not be the way to win.

Even one of my guy friends peeps the hostility exuding from most servitude sistas. He usually combats this with a compliment on either their hair or nails, which often helps to melt some of that anger...even if just for a moment.

I've often felt the hate exuding from the servitude sistas sitting behind the desk. I usually switch into my around-the-way tone in attempt to gain some level of connectedness and convey, “Girlfriend, I am one of you." But they would never know that and are rarely trying to hear that. All they see is a pretty girl, with pretty hair, light skin, and light eyes. Spike Lee’s School Daze all over again.

My mom, who happens to be a servitude sista, peeps the nasty attitudes amongst some of her colleagues, which burns her up inside as she recognizes this as another form of self hate. Because she is a darker skinned woman servitude sistas tend to confide in her. Whenever a fair skinned woman walks into the office one of them will say something to the effect of “She thinks she better than me.”

Honey, that is the last thought on anybody’s mind. And even if it is, who cares! Just do you.

On the flip side, I was standing at the end of a long check out line at a Trader Joes. The cashier, a sista, was closing out her register, until she spotted me and gestured for me to come over. When I approached her she said, “You know I only opened for you because we have to stick together.”

Thank god there are some places where the race card still works.

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URBAN CHAMELEON invites you to create your own MEDIA in ATL!!!

2010-08-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

HaJ

If you or someone you know are in the ATL area Sunday, August 22 from 3-5PM please come out to our event and share ideas of the kinds of stories and characters you would like to see on TV.

There will be a live performance of the original stories shared from our blog by some of Atlanta's finest artists, authors, painters, poets, and performers hosted by yours truly ME, HaJ, creator of URBAN CHAMELEON media.

Where: Danneman's Coffee Shop (Upstairs)

Old Fourth Ward

466 Edgewood Ave

Atlanta, GA 30312

3-5PM

Hope to see you there!

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Star Wars Comes to the 'Hood

2010-08-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

Urban Chameleon moment?

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Damn “NIGGA” Damn!

2010-08-04T13:04:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor Black Man formerly known as Nigga

Surreal the trip had been already. I found my self here in South Africa surrounded by self-proclaimed “coloreds” and my homie from the “D” in an upscale restaurant in one of Cape Town’s finest dining establishments. We were discussing the frustration of coloreds and black s alike in South Africa at the fact that Mandela had not done more to punish South African whites as he took power. Many South Africans of the browner persuasion felt that they had been sold out. They felt like African Americans would not have stood for such a passive take over. They cited the rhetoric of Malcolm X and the resumés of revolutionaries like Huey Newton and Angela Davis with the thoroughness of the deepest Afro-American history scholar. They put the African American civil rights struggle on a pedestal and languished their own leaders’ inability to be as effective, as aggressive, as revolutionary.

My man and I asked many questions and learned a great deal about our South African sisters and brothers over bottles of South African wine and faire. Our bellies and minds full, we paid the bill and prepared to exit, my homie and I nearly running, because we still could not believe that a meal of that quality could cost so little. Surely the waiter would be after us to let us know he’d made a mistake and forgot to charge us the proper amount.

As we walked to our car a black South African man approached. Clearly the brother was homeless. His hustle was watching the cars parked along this dark but busy street ensuring that cars were safe from the rash of smash and grab robberies that occur often in cities like Cape Town where “the haves” have in great abundance and the have nots, well, you know.

He overheard my man and I talking and his eyes lit up.

“Hey! You guys are American!” he said excitedly.

“Yes” we affirmed, “What’s up brother?”

“Oh wow!” he said giving us dap. “You guys are the real, the real NIGGAS”

My homie and I looked at each other is shock. “Nah b. We brothers.” I said coolly.

“No man, you guys are the REAL NIGGAS. Like for real.”

“No man. We not niggas, we brothers”

“No, its ok” he assured us, “You’re real niggas. Not like these guys from West Africa that come here and think they niggas, you guys are the REAL NIGGAS. I want to be a nigga like you too!” he said with a big smile.

We continued to object. “Listen man, we NOT NIGGAS. We brothers. You can be my brother” my homie said as relaxed as possible.

The man’s face stayed frozen in an excited, yet naïve smile. He seemed to want us to affirm his “nigga’ status. Our “colored” friends joined in, they had picked up on our defiance of being called niggas in the middle of a Capetonian street,

“No, Nigga is a compliment”, they said. “It's a term of endearment. Its not what you think.”

I was floored. Were these not the same people running down the Civil Rights movement as though they were being voiced by Skip Gates? The surreal had become even more real.

“Yo, being a nigga is NOT cool. Its not a compliment” I said as calmly as I could

I could see the confusion of a thousand hip-hop songs, stand-up comedy sets and exploitative black movies crashing all around. Nigga is so much a part of black American dialect that sometime we say it without realizing it. We only hear it when it rolls off of a foreign tongue (literally or figuratively).

Our friends and the homeless man are probably still confounded to this day. Afterall, their use of the word nigga in relationship to my man and I was a means of identifying with us, their American brothers. Truly for them the word was a term of endearment and a gesture to show their affinity towards all things Afro-American.

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My First White Wedding

2010-07-30T09:03:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

A few weeks ago I attended a wedding upstate New York. Now when I hear, “wedding,” I naturally begin to think about what special outfit I’m going to wear for this special occasion. Going through my closet, I identify my Diane Von Furstenberg dress as the joint to hit ‘em wit. It’s a beautiful long, silk, mint color number. And with my gold heals… WHAT WHAT! Watch out now!

When my date and I arrive at the location, after the 3½ hour drive from the city, I was floored to learn that the wedding was taking place on a Farm. A Farm! Who gets married on a Farm?! Certainly not Caribbean people. Even if I end up marrying a white farmer – the idea of me telling my Haitian mom that the ceremony will be taking place next to animals – let’s just say that it would not be going down. You know what she would say? All my life I have worked so hard for people not to look at us like animals and you want to go and have your holy matrimony next to some? Is a cow going to give you away too?

Regardless of how I was feeling about the location, I was dealing with the physical challenge of my Loubiton heels sinking into the grass as I tried to mingle. My date, who was decked out in his Burberry tux, was damn near carrying me, Diane, and Loubi to prevent us from being covered in manure, which was everywhere.

Of course, we were the only Black folks at the wedding and the only people that were dressed up. Don’t you know that there were some guests wearing sundresses and flip-flops! Who does that?! Certainly not Caribbean people. We dress UP and come with it like’s it’s the Oscars. Besides, are we not celebrating what’s supposed to be a once in a lifetime affair?

I think what catches many Caribbean people off guard, is that we are bred in a culture that has made us feel inferior to white people as if they all come from castles with golden fountains. Therefore, when the time comes to be in their presence, for what we think is a celebratory event, we are dressing up to say we belong in this castle too. The irony of this is when this irony is flipped on you; for this Farm was no castle.

My date and I tried to let loose, which meant taking two vodka tonics to the head before getting out on the dance floor. Despite the location, they still played Michael Jackson. Can’t have a wedding with out MJ. We started gettin’ down. Next thing you know, a group of older white folks, who were definitely alive during Jim Crow, began to watch us dance as if we were entertaining them. Why did we suddenly begin to feel like we were the Minstrels at the show?

What made matters worse, is when the mother of the bride came over to admire my dress. I was surprised she could still see it, as most of it was balled up in my hands to keep from touching the grass. After she told me how beautiful I looked, she then asked if I had any friends for her single son who apparently likes the darker kind. WHAT?! Who actually says that? Was this woman really referring to Black people like the meat selection on a buffet table- light or dark meat? I was done. I grabbed my date, wished the wedding couple well and we were out.

After the wedding, my girlfriend and I traded stories about our white wedding experiences. She told me how a couple of weeks ago, during a bachelorette party she attended, the bride’s cousin brought black and brown penis cookies for the party-gals to munch on. The cousin was so delighted to find this bakery website, Mandingo, that specializes in ethnic dicks. My girlfriend said she thought to herself, now wait a minute, the bride is marrying a white man why couldn’t there be a white dick included in the selection? The cousin went on to explain to the bachelorette party, who were all white with the exception of my girlfriend, that a Mandingo is apparently a very large Black man’s penis. What she failed to mention is that it’s also a derogatory term! My girlfriend said she could either:

A) Slap this woman upside her head B) Excuse herself from the party or C) Tell me about the story so I could write about it here.

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Mama always said if you want good real estate follow the crack heads…(part II)

2010-07-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor FunnelCake

Read part I by clicking here

My mom has been living in Hot-Lanta for ten years now; enjoying her 2400sq ft, three story, balcony off the bedroom and living room with a view of the downtown skyline loft located in the crack head infested, gun shot bucking, drug dealer having neighborhood also known as da ‘hood. Just a couple of years ago she met a wonderful man, who she dated for a short time before deciding to get married, and invited him to live with her … cause uh…mama wasn’t moving. He, being head over heels over my mother, without question leased his four-bedroom chateau in the peaceful, quiet, suburbs to be with her.

However, da ‘hood has been a bit of a hindrance to his consulting business; as his conference calls are often interrupted by loud neighborhood arguments, (possibly over crack), with groups of people shouting, “YOU MUTHAF*CKA!”, every other word. Occasionally a gunshot or two followed by police sirens, which makes their Bichon dog, start barking.

One day my husband and I witnessed my step father, literally, running from room to room trying to avoid the blaring soundtrack of da ‘hood while on a conference call. Now I will say, in the short time they’ve lived there we’ve already begun to see change: a Japanese restaurant opened up around the corner, and you can even get a cappuccino at the new neighborhood coffee shop. Once, my husband and I went for a jog around the neighborhood and when we got back to the front of mom's loft to stretch, a crack head came up to us and asked if she could join. "Sure", we said, and she took our lead in the group stretch. We ended with a little Namaste Yoga meditation and she was on her way. It looks like a climbing Real Estate market can not only change a neighborhood but a crack head too.

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Mama always said if you want good real estate follow the crack heads…

2010-07-14T06:08:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor FunnelCake

Growing up in the early 80ties I used to question why my intellectual, progressive, degree earning, world traveled parents decided to raise me in a crack head infested, gun shot bucking, drug dealer having neighborhood also known as da ‘hood. Every day, on my way to private school located on the other side of town, I stepped over different color crack vials, prayed for my life, and dreamed of one day living in a high-rise doorman building surrounded by white folks; ‘cause they couldn’t possibly be experiencing these same kind of problems. My white friends at school looked relaxed and at peace, in fact the most frazzled I had ever seen one of my school mates was over this really complicated long division math problem that had the class stumped. Meanwhile, I was calculating my route home to avoid Bebe’s Kids that at one point in time were filling up water balloons with their urine and targeting folks.

My parents brushed aside my worries, told me that the 'hood shapes character and that I needed a little culture. For them there was nothing like living with the people. I will say this, the one time Bebe’s kids did try to mess with me, my intellectual, progressive, world traveled father chased them down with a machete. He was from Jamaica.

It wasn’t until years later, when I had to start paying bills, robbing Peter to pay Paul and looking for someway out of the rat race, that I discovered the value of good Real Estate. During the early eighties, my parents had the foresight to purchase property in our crack head infested, gun shot bucking, drug dealer having neighborhood also known as da ‘hood; where houses at the time only cost seventeen thousand dollars. Their mortgage payment was a whopping $217.00 per month. The irony is in all that time I was looking to run to the white neighborhood, white folks ended up moving into our neighborhood! This resulted in driving up the Real Estate so much so that when my parents were ready to sell they made an 800% profit!!!

My father passed shortly after the sale of the house and my mother decided to take her newfound wealth down south to Hot-Lanta; where she purchased a 2400sq ft, three-story loft, balcony off the bedroom and living room with a view of the downtown skyline. And where is this piece of oasis located you ask? Another crack head infested, gun shot bucking, drug dealer having neighborhood also known as da ‘hood. At this stage of the game I expect nothing less from my mother. She would never move to the suburbs. She claims she knows how to handle a crack head better than deer.

read part II

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Are Black Women Too Lazy to Find True Love?

2010-07-12T10:12:00.000-07:00

By today's Urban Chameleon contributor Sibil

The question could be asked of women from all races but I’ve chosen to specifically focus on a group that continues to be questioned about their potential to find true love: Black women.

The other day I caught the CNN interview with Helene Andrews, the author of Bitch is the New Black, discussing being young, Black, successful and single. I thought to myself: Oh lawd, they done brought our issues into the lime light. But then again I always complain about major media not covering the spectrum of our issues so I checked myself for complaining out of habit and tuned into the program.

Although it was an obvious plug for us to purchase Helene’s book (and why shouldn’t we) I was intrigued by this 29yr old author’s rant about life and love and what made the interview even more interesting was her mother, who was also on the show, talked about being a lesbian. Talk about some topics of discussion you don’t hear about every day through a major news source. I started thinking more about why there continues to be so much focus on Black women’s capability to find love.

At the Harvard Black Alumni BBQ in prospect park a couple of weeks ago, I got into a discussion with a group of Black women about not being able to find “a good Black man.” One woman noticed the ring on my finger and asked if I was married to which I replied, “Yes for 5 years but we’ve know each other for 11years, we met in college.”

Everyone’s interest was peaked and wanted to know how I had “locked him down.” I told them that it was actually his idea. We had gone away on a trip one New Years and when talking about our resolutions for the up coming year he said that he wanted to get married. I was cool either way, I had grown up with two parents who never traditionally tied the knot so I naturally inherited the philosophy that if he liked it, he didn’t necessarily need to put a ring on it. But later that year he sho ‘nough proposed.

The women all ooh’d and ahh’d and then one asked if he had a clone or at least a brother she could be introduced to. Another one stated that they just don’t make men like that any more, as if I had taken the last prize out of the cereal box. Hold up I had to tell them, this 11yr relationship hasn’t just been a walk in the park ladies. This is not Morris Chestnut rolling up in a chariot with a bouquet of red roses. This 11yr relationship consisted of 5 break ups in our first year, moving across the country to be together, several door slams, silent treatments, girlfriend therapy, two reads of the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus sent by my mother for relationship counseling, and to this day STILL having to work on communication. Not to mention when I first met my husband he thought fine dining met going to Red Lobster or as he calls it Red Lizzy’s. Now, I have to manage how many times my husband tries to order Osso Buco per month to keep from putting us into debt.

My husband once said to me that women have to change men. Look at what Victoria Beckham did for David. That man is now an international sex symbol as a result of his wife’s make over. I can’t even front I’ve been guilty of dissin’ a guy for wearing Karl Kani or something not from this time period. Maybe Mr. right is dressed all wrong, but so many women would never know. One of the women said she felt me but what if after putting in all that work the man still doesn’t commit. Then some other woman gets to enjoy the fruits of her labor? Now in all fairness I met my husband before things like marriage and biological clocks ticking was ever a thought. After mulling that question over, I answered: Yeah, but what if another woman put in that same work for you?

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The Haitians Love for Brazilians (when it comes to the World Cup)

2010-07-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

by today’s Urban Chameleon contributor

The only thing us Haitians like more than Haitians are Haitians but when it comes to the World Cup, we Haitians are all about Brazilians! For example, have you not seen this youtube clip featuring a bar full of Haitians dressed in the Brazilian colors?

To think that Haitians are just passionate fanatics of the Brazilian National
soccer team would be to overlook the innate connection between Brazilians and Haitian people. Both have in common tragic histories and glorified cultures. To be "pou Bresil" (for Brazil) in Haiti is a birthright and a way of life. And so today, as the Brazilians were handed a one-way ticket back to Rio as a result of the Dutch soccer win, Haiti is in mourning. For many Haitians, the Brazilian elimination marks the second "blow" of 2010. Haitian Facebook statuses read:

“First an earthquake, now this. What have we done to deserve such misery?”

Indeed, the start of the World Cup season and the hope that Brazil would win the cup restored a sense of celebration and excitement across Haiti. Amid crumbled homes and tent cities, the misery of the past six months seemed to fade under the roar of "ole, ole, ole!" So what gives? Well, the Haitian fascination with Brazil is hard to explain. Born in the hay days of the Brazilian soccer phenomenon, Pele, I suppose, Haitians' passion for Brazil can probably best be explained simply as a case of "rooting for your own" ... Or the closest thing to it! Without a qualifying National team of their own, Haitians find comfort in rooting for players who look like them, act like them, and grew up in similar circumstances from them. And so even though Haitians don't speak Portuguese, don't dance samba, and don't eat the Brazilian national dish, Feijoada, once Brazil steps on the field, green and yellow run through Haitian veins. Of course this explanation may be too romantic for some to swallow. Fore the skeptics, another answer may go down easier. Haitians are arrogant and they like to win.

Despite today's defeat, Brazil hold 5 world cup titles. Which means that for a middle-aged Haitian, she/he has had 4years worth of bragging rights 5 times over in their lifetime. That's 20 years of getting to tell the whole world that you’re better than them and for us Haitians (who have swallowed so much), that's a dream come true!

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New Movie About Obama Debuts

2010-07-01T17:33:00.000-07:00

Obama movie debuts in Indonesia

by Arlina Arshad - Wed June 30, 12:01 pm ET

from yahoo.com

JAKARTA (AFP) – A film about US President Barack Obama'schildhood days in Indonesia made its debut in Jakarta on Wednesday, promising a very different perspective on the man in the White House.

"Obama Anak Menteng" or "Obama the Menteng Kid", is set in the upscale Jakarta neighbourhood of Menteng, where Obama lived from 1967 to 1971 with his mother and Indonesian stepfather.

Co-director Damien Dematra said it showed the US president in a light that Americans might find strange.

"Viewers, especially Westerners, will see a different world. They'll seeObama eating chicken satay, not hamburgers. They'll see his neighbours and friends wearing chequered sarongs and Muslim caps," he told AFP.

Even so, producers skirted controversy surrounding the extent that Islam influenced Obama's early years in the world's most populous Muslim-majority country.

A scene showing Obama, who is a Christian, praying like a Muslim was dropped as it was deemed "too political", Read full article on yahoo.com

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BET Awards: It’s Like an Ex boyfriend

2010-06-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor Funnel Cake

The BET Awards is like an ex-boyfriend who you don’t want in your life but you still have to check up on. Last night was the awards show and although I didn’t watch, I still haaaaad to read about the highlights. The most talked about topic appears to be Chris Brown’s MJ performance and break down while singing "Man In the Mirror." (Talk about another ex-boyfriend who just won’t stay away) I will say that the song was metaphorically appropriate for Mr. Brown and clearly it hit home for him. I still can’t help but feel like he’s forcing me to take him back into my life. Everyone knows that the laws of attraction just don’t work that way. You make someone want you by acting like you don’t want them. Reinterpreting this concept for Mr. Brown – he just needs to deliver great work, work on himself and stop showing me how much he feels. The relationship I had with Chris, as a fan was always about my feelings not his. If he could just get this concept then maybe I can think about taking him back.

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Father’s Day, How Do We Really Feel About It?

2010-06-21T16:18:00.000-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor Anonymous

This past Sunday, I wake up barely in time for my aerobics class, which starts at 10AM. I’m in a cab at 9:50 on edge. The teacher has already called me out on one to many occasions in the past about walking into class late and ever since I’ve been trying to address my CPT issue.

The cab driver asks if I’m going to see my father today. The question both irritates and surprises me for America would have you think that Black people don’t have fathers Mr. Indian Cab Driver.

“Why do you want to know?” I ask.

“It’s father’s day.” He replies.

It’s been a long time now since my father passed away - it was three weeks after my college graduation. I remember sitting in the hospital thinking of things to ask him so that I wouldn’t have any regrets later. Now nearly a decade later, this cab driver has activated my thoughts about what a conversation with my father would be like today.

I had just turned 30ty and so much had changed. I wondered what it would have been like if my father was at my wedding, witnessed the purchase of me and my husband’s first house, my first promotion, my first lay off, the advice he would have offered to me as I struggled through my twenties, what it would have felt like for him to be a grandfather, what goals and aspirations he would have had for himself and dreams for me.

I recently realized that I don’t have many Black friends who share my experience of growing up with not just a father, a loving one. My father taught me how to read, cook, wash clothes, (that’s probably why I still mix colors and whites) drive, stand up for myself and occasionally he even braided my hair. To me he was the best father I could have asked for.

I finally replied to the cab driver that my father had passed away so no I wasn’t going to see him. He quickly apologized and said that his dad did too…

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In Celebration of the World Cup

2010-06-21T13:57:00.001-07:00

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Validated by a Degree

2010-06-15T10:00:00.001-07:00

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor Anonymous

A few months back I attended a brunch that a friend of mine was having at her home in Brooklyn. Endless mimosas, salmon cakes, scallops, waffles, sweet potato fries, grits, collard greens and some kind of artichoke pesto situation- damn it was lovely.

People eventually got to talking about what they do for a living versus what they went to school for. It’s very common that people end up doing something completely different from what they studied in school but this one Black woman described how her white male boss when interviewing her for the current real estate position she holds, inquired why she had gone to Harvard Business school since none of the things she described that interest her required such a prestigious degree. She looked him straight in the eye and replied, “So that you could see me as an equal.”

That sat with me as I find that this is the case for a lot of people of color who attend prestigious schools, specifically those whose families are from countries outside the US.

Just yesterday I was catching up with an older white male colleague/ friend of mine who was telling me about his son, a sophomore in college barely passing with D’s and I thought to my self, “WHAT!” There is no way I could have ever gotten away with that let alone feel comfortable enough to be telling anyone! My Chinese friend told me that her parents used to put her and her brother's report cards on the fridge for public exposure. But that’s the difference. As far as we know my white colleague's son is still on track of becoming the next President of the United States.

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Nigerian Purchases Britain's Gatwick Airport for close to 1.5 Billion Pounds

2010-06-13T06:27:00.000-07:00

Urban Chameleon Spotlight

Uuuhm has anybody else heard about the Nigerian native, Adebayo Ogunlesi who is Harvard Law, Business and Oxford School educated, purchasing Britain's Gatwick Airport for close to 1.5 billion pounds!?

There has been much criticism about Western media (meaning CNN) having not covering such a monumental event. Seriously, if every bodily function of Tiger Woods can be reported, real news should at least be squeeze in there too.

Adebayo Ogunlesi, you are our Urban Chameleon pick of the day.

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